Chapter 8

        Then came the morning after.

        As mornings go, it was the best!

        He was actually expected to snuggle with Victoria after he woke to find her in his arms.  Having Victoria rest her head on his shoulder just seemed so natural.  It was all Diego could do to stop himself from dancing naked around his bedroom.

        So they languidly snuggled under the red and gold coverlet on his bed, not caring that the others in the hacienda had started their day hours before.  They were content to doze, followed by talk, followed by another doze, followed by a kiss that was intended to be short but turned long and passionate instead.  Diego wouldn’t have minded making love again, but feared that would use up the small amount of energy Victoria had garnered for the day, and he didn’t want to do that to her.  So he contented himself with a caress here and there, and talking to her about anything that came to mind.

        But when she wanted to talk about Felipe, even he was surprised.

        “Haven’t you… noticed?” Victoria asked.  “He misses… you.”

        Laughing, Diego inquired, “How can he miss me when we live in the same hacienda?”

        “Didn’t you... spend all your time… with him before the… wedding?”

        “Don’t I still spend time with him now?”

        “You spend time… with me,” she corrected.  “You speak briefly to… Felipe if you… happen… to run into him in… the corridor.”

        “I do not!”

        “You do too,” Victoria insisted.  “When was… the last time you… did something just with… him?”

        Diego paused, thinking.

        “Something where I wasn’t… involved… in some way?”

        Diego paused again.

        “You don’t know… do you?”

        Diego wasn’t about to let her accusation be true, however.  “Felipe knows that right now, you have to be my priority.”

        “I’m not saying… that he… doesn’t,” Victoria argued, raising herself on an elbow so she could look at him.  “But that doesn’t mean… he doesn’t miss you… even if he knows where… you are and… what you’re doing.  Don’t you miss him?”

        Taken aback, Diego considered.  “Well…”  It had been a long time since he’d needed Felipe’s help in Zorro’s cave.  He didn’t ride out as Zorro any longer; he didn’t have time.  Now he realized that meant the bond he shared with Felipe had taken something of a beating as he’d spent time with Victoria.  Felipe was still the main person to deal with Toronado, Diego knew.  He should show more gratitude than he did just because of that.  Guilt shot through Diego.

        Victoria laughed.  “I didn’t say it… to make you… feel bad.”  She giggled again.  “I just… wanted to point out that… he might like it if… you spent a day… with him.”  She shrugged, and he felt the momentum on his chest.  “I will still be here… when you get back.”

        But that was just it: when he got right down to it, Diego wasn’t sure she would still be there if he did anything with anybody else besides her.  “But what if-?”

        Victoria placed her finger against his lips to stop his words.  “I will still… be here,” she emphatically said, her sporadic breathing sounding harsh in the quiet.

        Diego tightened his arms around her shoulders.  “I can’t help but think--”

        “That’s another… thing.  I want to … talk to you.”  Victoria looked down with a guilty expression.

        “I can tell by your tone that I’m not going to like this.”

        “I don’t think… you’ll dislike it,” Victoria said, sounding hesitant now as well as breathless.  “I don’t want… to look for a… cure anymore.”

        She was right: it wasn’t that he disliked it, it was more that he didn’t understand it.  “Why?”

        Victoria’s sigh of resignation washed through the room.  “I’m tired… of being nothing but a… disease, twenty four hours… a day, seven days a… week.”

Diego reared back as if struck.  “I never thought of you that way!”

Victoria grimaced.   “The point I’m making is…”  She collapsed helplessly on the pillow beside him, staring up at the ceiling.  “I guess… the best way… to say this is to… be blunt: I’m not going… to be here… forever.”

Diego jerked.  He knew what she meant by that: she felt sure that soon she would die.  The thought of Victoria dying was still nothing less than horrifying.  “Don’t say that!”

“Diego,” Victoria softly admonished him.  “It’s not like… you to hide… from the truth.  I’m not going… to be here forever.  Neither are you.  Neither is… your father.  No one is.”

Diego gave a noisy swallow.  “I’m trying not to think about that.”

“I don’t have any… choice… but to think about it.  I don’t want… my last days… to be filled with… throwing up… one more time… when we’re not… going to find… a cure.”

“Don’t say that!  I know it’s out there somewhere.  We just haven’t looked hard enough yet.”

“When will we have… looked hard enough?  Diego, we’re all… going to die.  That’s the way… life is.  I’m just going to… die sooner than I… would have if I hadn’t… gotten sick.”

Diego stared at her in misery.  “How can you be so casual about this?”

Victoria grinned in spite of the topic.  “I have to face… facts.  And I don’t want… to face them by… hiding from them.  I want… to experience everything… that I can… while I have time.”

Anguish coursed through Diego when she said that.  He tried to be as casual as she was, but he didn’t think he succeeded very well.  “Is that what I was?  Just an… experience?”

Victoria actually laughed.  “I should have known… that you would… worry about that.  In some ways… you’re so predictable.”

A snort exploded into the room in order to hide the hurt that shot through him.  “Of course it’s predictable for any man to--”

“I don’t care… about just any man.”  Victoria playfully tickled him.  “I care about you.”  She grabbed his face in her rough hands and stared him straight in the eye.  “I like you… Diego.  I married you… because I like you.”  Her energy spent, she collapsed back onto the pillow behind her, swallowing harshly in the quiet room.  “I’m finding out… that like is… stronger than… love.”

Her words momentarily appeased Diego’s natural lack of self-confidence in his personal relationships.  “You’re sure?”

Victoria’s smile was wan this time.  “I want… you to… understand this.  These last months…” Now her smile was gently reminiscent.  “You’ve been amazing.  I couldn’t have… asked for… anyone better.”

This confession didn’t do much to mollify Diego, however.  “Wonderful.  Now I know that my medical knowledge was--”

“Stop!  I’d rather have you… than anyone.”  Again she stared him in the eye.  “I’ll spend my… last days… proving it.”

Guilt stormed through Diego again.  Victoria hadn’t even said Zorro’s name, yet he was still aware of the masked man.  On the other hand, she’d married him, not Zorro.  Plus, she liked him.  He certainly liked her.  That needed to be enough for him.

Looking ashamed now, Diego winced.  “You can’t blame me for being a bit jealous of everyone.”  He gazed at her.  “You’ve been so vocal in the past.”

“That was the… past.”  Victoria smiled softly, rubbing his cheek in genuine affection.  “Now I… wouldn’t change… anything.”  She kissed him, her hand wandering in just the right way to entice him into the very deed he’d sworn not to engage in minutes before.  Diego wouldn’t have been Diego if he hadn’t responded, his doubts about her vanishing just as quickly.

They dozed again afterwards, his breathing subconsciously slowing to match hers.  He woke to a kiss from Victoria.  It was a turning point for Diego.  For some reason, she had chosen him.  If she loved him, or she loved Zorro, or someone else entirely, it really didn’t matter at this point.  He was with her right now, even though he knew he didn’t deserve her, and would always have doubts that he was enough to make her happy.  But what was important was that she thought he was enough.

Soothed, Victoria expressed another of her worries.  “I can’t… have a baby.”  Her brow wrinkled, she glanced at Diego.  “Probably can’t.  But I’m sorry… about that.  You deserve… a baby.”

“I don’t ‘deserve’ anything.”

Victoria gave a lopsided grin.  “Then Don Alejandro… does.”

“That would make him happy,” Diego conceded.  “I guess we haven’t talked about children.  I suppose we should.”

The look she shot him was definitely patronizing.  “We both know… that I can’t… have one.”

“No we don’t.”

“I stopped… bleeding.  You said--”

“I said that I wasn’t sure about that.  For all I know, you can still get pregnant even though you’re not… bleeding.”  For her sake, he forced himself to talk frankly about this gritty fact of life, in spite of his discomfort.  “We should ask Dr. Hernandez about it.  That is, if you’re not too embarrassed.”

“I am… embarrassed.”  Red suffused her cheeks.  “But I’d rather… know than… not know.”

It was Diego’s turn to rise up on his elbow so that he could study her.  “Do you think that you could carry a baby?”

A far away look crossed Victoria’s eyes.  “I don’t… know.  Maybe.”

“I don’t want you to do anything that’s dangerous.  It’s not worth it.”

Her forehead wrinkled again.  “But you need… an heir.”

Diego gave a snort.  “I need you, not an heir.”

The simple statement made Victoria smile.  “I need you… too.”

Pounding on the door interrupted the sappy, goofy grin adorning Diego’s face.  “Diego!  Son!” Alejandro cried, followed by more pounding.  “It’s that special time of year again!  Your favorite!  You don’t want to miss it.”  He pounded some more, laughing.

Diego couldn’t suppress the groan that escaped his mouth.  “Not again!”

Victoria crinkled her brow.  “Why?  What is it?”

“Son!” Alejandro yelled, pounding some more.  He rattled the door knob for good measure.  “Diego!  Your liver awaits!”

“Liver?”  Victoria sounded surprised and revolted all at once.  “What’s your liver… got to do… with this?”  Suspicion invaded her eyes.  “Are you… dying and don’t… want to tell me?”

Diego grimaced as he tossed back the covers.  “No, I’m not dying, though I may wish I had.  We do this every year,” he flatly announced by way of explanation.
        “This?”  Victoria sent him a perplexed look.

“Yes, this.”  Diego grimaced again even as he crossed to his closet to find something to wear.  “Long ago, Father somehow got it into his head that we need to thank the cattle before we slaughter more than one.”  He pulled on the brown trousers he’d worn yesterday.

Victoria’s forehead was a mass of wrinkles by now.  “Slaughter?”

Diego’s grimace deepened.  “The de la Vegas have a contract with your brother to supply the tavern with beef.  I suppose you had something like it before you got sick.”

“I did,” Victoria admitted.  “But any beef… I got came wrapped… in individual… packages.  I didn’t think… about slaughtering cows… to get it.”

“We slaughter several every year.  That’s where the liver comes in.  Every member of the ranch eats some beef liver as a thank you to the cattle for living, so to speak.  It’s the worst part of living on the de la Vega ranch if you ask me.”
        Some of Victoria’s wrinkles had disappeared as she began to laboriously rise from the bed.  “Ranch life…huh?”

Diego’s outstretched hand stopped her.  “No, don’t feel like you have to bother yourself.  I’ll give your excuses.”

“Nonsense,” Victoria said, putting a supportive hand on the bed before bending over to gather her clothes from the floor where she’d thrown them.  “I’ve never had… liver before.  It sounds… interesting.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Diego said.  “You’re certainly more polite than I usually am concerning this ritual.”

“I take it you… don’t like… this.”  Victoria’s grin was definitely mischievous as she pulled on her shirt.

Her sense of mischief delighted Diego.  It had been so long since she had shown anything but a sad sense of determination that he had forgotten that her wicked sense of humor was one of the things he loved about her.  If he got this reaction from her just from eating strange food, he’d eat it every day.  “Don’t be worried if you don’t like the liver.”  He shivered once.  “It’s an acquired taste.”

Victoria actually giggled.  “So that’s why… Don Alejandro… laughed just now.”

“For some reason, he loves the way I don’t like it, but eat it anyway.  It’s certainly better than the alternative.”

“What’s the… alternative?”

Diego paused with his hand on the doorknob.  “When I was eight, I refused to touch my piece of liver.  Father then followed me around with it for the entire day.  I finally ate it just so he would go away.”  He shivered again.  “It was cold by then, and terrible.”  Victoria’s laughter peeled through the room.  “I haven’t liked it since.”

“I don’t blame… you.”

“Take my advice,” he said as she hiked up her trousers and joined him at the door.  “Even if you hate it, eat it so he won’t punish you for the rest of the day.”

Even as she grinned, Victoria shook her head.  “I have a hard… time thinking of… Don Alejandro… as a… punisher.”

Diego leaned over to whisper in her ear.  “Don’t tell him I told you, but he lives for liver.”  He kissed her cheek, pulled his door open, and they left the room together.

Plates of dark colored meat greeted them the second they entered the dining room.  Members of the hacienda stood behind each plate, patiently waiting for them to appear, suppressed smiles on their faces.  It was clear that all those gathered had noticed that both Diego and Victoria had come from the direction of Diego’s room, but that they were willing to pretend otherwise.

Except for Lupè, Diego noticed from the corner of his eyes.  She wasn’t nearly as successful at hiding her smirk as the others were.  She was sure to get an earful about it later from Maria.

A clap sounded loud in all that quiet.  “Wonderful!” beamed Don Alejandro as soon as he saw Diego.  “The last of us has arrived.  Now we can thank the cattle properly for letting us live through another year.  Let’s eat!”

Diego groaned in revulsion as he eyed the chunk of meat in front of him.

Victoria grinned again in enjoyment at his discomfort.  “I hear it’s better… if you close… your eyes.”

Diego gave a start.  Hadn’t he said almost the same thing to Victoria once as Zorro?  He turned his gaze to her, suspicious, but she was already tasting her piece of liver.

“Hmmm,” she chewed thoughtfully.  “It’s strong, but not… as bad as you… said… it was.”

Her comment was greeted by laughter.  “You’ve got a good one, Diego,” Don Alejandro teased with a toast in Victoria’s direction.  “A lover of liver.  Don’t let her get away.”

Diego held out his plate to Victoria.  “Do you want mine?”

“Oh no, son!” Alejandro called.  “Eat up!  There’s more if you want it.”

The look of resentment on Diego’s face made his father laugh.   Underneath the merriment, Diego muttered, “If only I could have a normal father.”

Victoria bumped him with her hip.  “It could be… worse,” she whispered.  “He could make… you eat it… raw.”