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Harry

Personal log - Stardate 42683.7

Well, we figured it out. Seska has some kind of weird weapon that she's building on a Kazon ship somewhere...out there...in space. Getting ready for us, I guess. B'Elanna thinks it will take some time to integrate the molecule enhancer into their weapons systems, and that they'll have a lot of trouble with the Federation equipment. I hope so. I want more time to come up with a defense against that weapon. Yeah - seventy years sounds about right. We could be home by then and none of this would matter anymore. I never thought of the Delta Quadrant as particularly hostile until now.

We dropped the bomb, meaning the news about the enhancer, in Sickbay. Captain Janeway was still restricted to a diagnostic bed after Seska stunned her with that phaser. Over half the senior officers were there, so it turned into a meeting of sorts. I thought Commander Chakotay might throw us in the brig for bothering the captain. I guess maybe he thinks she needs more time to rest. He was awful quick to yell at us, that's for sure.

She looked pretty healthy to me, though. It was good to see the captain giving orders and telling us what to do, just like always. I have to admit it, hearing about her being dragged into Sickbay, completely incoherent, gave me the sweats. I was glad I had my work to keep myself from worrying. Like I could have done anything for her anyway. Tom sent some chicken soup down to her right away. That's just like him. He's really very thoughtful. Where I ignore the problem, he sends soup. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot to learn.

I'm just glad I thought of the enhancer a split second before Lieutenant Torres. If everything else fails, I can always fall back on my brain power. Right?

Tuvok

Security Officer's log - Stardate 42683.7

Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim have discovered the true reason for our recent visit from Seska - common theft. She stole numerous pieces of Federation property, including two of our gel packs. When combined, these items will apparently create a certain kind of molecule enhancer that could conceivably destroy the ship. Lieutenant Torres and her Engineering team are currently working on a defense against this new Kazon threat, but they have had few results so far. A detailed list of the missing items will be included at the end of this log entry.

Captain Janeway has recovered sufficiently after her experience with Kazon technology. Though she is still interred in Sickbay, I believe she will return to duty shortly. Unless, of course, Commander Chakotay continues to relieve her of duty. This concept of time off is an alien one to me, and I cannot quite fathom the lure of large amounts of unoccupied time.

I have put Lieutenant Tom Paris on report for being absent from the Bridge longer than his specified break time. The fact that he was in Sickbay, quote, consoling the captain in her time of torment, end quote, does not act as a reprieve from duty. He will work two extra shifts as a reminder to be more prompt in the future.

The list of stolen items now follows:........

Kes

Personal log - Stardate 42683.8

I think I've made an interesting discovery. I have a feeling that Commander Chakotay likes Captain Janeway. That's such a blunt statement - let me soften it a bit. He cares for her. It's perfectly obvious to me, though when I mentioned it to Neelix, he wasn't as convinced. He claims that my happy nature wants others to be equally as happy, so I see things that aren't necessarily there. But I suppose that sensing this bond could be another manifestation of my dormant mental abilities - if I have any, that is. And I believe I do. Well, I know I want to have them. Most other Ocompans do. I would hate to be barren in these talents. It would just be another way that I'm different from everybody else at home. I get so tired of being different. It's strange that I should even care now. I'm happy where I am. I like exploring space with the Voyager's crew. I hope the Kazon don't end that journey.

I hate the Kazon! I know it's wrong to hate any other race, but they're despicable. War is the only way of life that they know, and they're incapable of conceiving that any other way is better. They strangle all that is good in the universe, leaving only pulp behind. I don't want Neelix to know about these feelings - he knows me as a soft, pleasant, loving person. I am all those things, but a part of me also wants to do violent things to the Kazon. And to Seska for putting Captain Janeway through that ordeal.

It must have been very hard for the captain to appear so vulnerable in front of the crew like she did. I was so shocked when the commander and Lieutenant Tuvok carried her into Sickbay! She is always so strong and in control of every situation, yet there she was, rolling off the diagnostic bed. I couldn't detect that it bothered her, though. I would have been mortified, especially since the crewmembers that were in Sickbay at the time had just had a big fight concerning the captain's decisions and orders. But they were as upset as I was when she came in. Maybe there's hope for them yet!

I wonder how the captain feels about the commander? She was talking about a friend named Mark earlier today. I don't know who he is, but he's very important to her. Or he was, before Voyager came to this quadrant. I think she does have feelings for Chakotay. But she might not ever admit it.

I'm still thinking about having a baby. I know I'm still too young, but I can't help thinking about it. I feel ready, but I'm not so sure about Neelix.........

B'Elanna

Personal log - Stardate

Uuuaaaggghhh! I don't even know what date it is! This is stupid! This is supposed to help me organize my thoughts, but recording a personal log was Chakotay's idea, not mine! Maybe he can get cozy with a computer, but it's not for me!

And I still haven't thought of a defense for that - that thing. There has to be something.... Damn Seska! If she were in front of me right now, I'd scrape her nose ridges off with my fingernails!

Neelix

Chief Cook and Morale Officer Neelix's log - Stardate 12121212121.98

Those nefarious Kazon! That evil Ensign Seska! I had a bad feeling about her from the very moment we met. She made my freckles twitch. I could tell right away that she was up to no good. Even Kes was fooled by her medical alterations and that easygoing manner. But not me! No sir. Well, maybe she fooled me at first, but not once I got to know her! Nothing can get passed my nose. It can smell out trouble a parsec away! It's a good think I'm here on board Voyager - I'm an invaluable asset to Captain Janeway.

Ah ha ha ha ha! That reminds me - Kes fancies that Commander Chakotay likes the captain! Well, yes, everybody likes the captain. But Kes means romantically likes. As in the kind of relationship that she and I share. I see that as ludicrous! Well, that's a bit harsh. Okay, I see it as highly impossible. Well, no, I guess I've just never thought of it before now. Well, no, I have thought of it, but not seriously! Maybe the commander is in a little game of pursuit, but I see it as more on the dare level than anything romantic. Chakotay and Captain Janeway.... Hmm. (long pause) Nope, I can't see it happening. And if it did happen, it wouldn't come close to the beauty that I share with my Kes. I love her, and she loves me. She even promised to teach me more about how those stardate thingies work at the beginning of each log.

Yet she's been staring at me with that strange glint in her eyes that I mentioned last time. At first I thought she was considering babies - after all, I myself have been around more than one female in my time. But that can't be it. Maybe she wants to whip up something special for dinner this week. Do you think?

I wish Commander Chakotay would let me give a party!

Tom

Personal log - Stardate 42683.8

I don't believe it! Tuvok put me on report for coming back late from break! True, I was several minutes over my limit, but I was with the captain! And we were having a meeting, even if it was an unscheduled one. He's just sore because he wasn't there to join in the fun. And this morning he made - what's a good word? - unsavory comments about my work for the Maquis. He wouldn't dare say things like that to any of the other Maquis crewmembers. But I guess I'm different. My intentions weren't honorable and true. There are times that the rigidity of Starfleet really gets under my skin. If I were a paranoid personality type, I'd say he was out to get me. Fortunately, I'm me, so he can rag away. I won't kill him - yet.

"Computer, delete last sentence."

As to the Kazon and Seska and their attempts at...um, whatever they're up to: I'd rather fight Kazon than the Borg. At least we won't be assimilated. I wonder, could the Borg assimilate a man like Tuvok? Would they even want to?

My date with Maia Quinn didn't go particularly well last night. She didn't appreciate all the trouble I went to at all. Creating another holodeck program in my spare time is not an easy thing, you know. But all she wanted to talk about was my experience with the Maquis. I even felt like she was probing for something specific. She kept sneering when I said I didn't know much at the time, and I don't know any more now. Besides, what difference does it make? The Maquis are 75,000 light years away. What does she plan to do? Infiltrate one of their bases?

This whole dating thing is way overrated, anyway. I have more fun shooting pool with Harry. He's so relaxed compared to the women on board. The available women, I mean. Kes and the captain are off limits. Or at least the captain is. Kes - hey, you never know! Yeah, who am I kidding. If I made a play for Kes, Neelix would slice me up and saute me over a hot burner. I'd be pureed Paris, with a little bit of leola for flavoring. I think I'll play it safe for now. Then there's B'Elanna Torres. Huh! I rest my case! What would happen if I made a play for her? Hopefully, Chakotay would be nearby, so he could save my butt. He still owes me. And I plan to keep it that way!

Kathryn

Captain's Personal log - Stardate 42683.9

Chakotay is worried, which makes me worried. I've been laying here for an hour, racking my brain for some kind of defense against that weapon. Anything that could insure the safety of the crew. Neelix's suggestion of running for it becomes more and more appealing the longer I sit here. I only hope that B'Elanna dreams up another of her outlandish ideas that actually works at the last minute. I wish I was more help. My expertise is science and discovery; I'm not much use as a weapons analyst.

I'm so tired. I can't seem to shake off the effects of that stun blast. Kazon phasers pack quite a punch. Something that I managed to discover! I have no idea how many times I kicked the commander before he and Tuvok got me to Sickbay. If I think too hard about it, I start to feel embarrassed, so I try to think of something else. But then I return to the Kazon and Seska. Or worse, I think about Mark.

Starfleet has surely pronounced us dead by now. We've been gone for almost a year. The search will be discontinued and we'll all be listed as missing, presumed dead. I hope Mom and Phoebe aren't too upset. But of course they'll be upset. At least, that's what I would expect. I'm sure they will always welcome Mark - he doesn't have any other family still living on Earth. He'll be so alone as it is. I don't know. Maybe I should have married him last summer when he asked. But that would have led to difficulties in my command postings, a transfer for him - and we were both so satisfied with our careers when I left for DS9. I like commanding Voyager. She's a good ship. She's a fast ship. There's no denying the thrill of warp 9.9. Oh, all the arguments are old and familiar, and now it's too late.

I - um - have a confession to make. No, it's not a confession. Hell, I don't know what it is. It involves Commander Chakotay. I uh - held his hand today... that statement sounds as juvenile as I feel. I admit I have never met anybody like him. He's strong and calm at the same time. He has the respect of every member of this crew. He's a good commanding officer. Wait, this is not an official report here. It's a personal log. If I can't get personal in a log, where can I get personal?

I miss Mark.

I hope Chakotay asks me to dinner with him.

"Computer, end log entry. No, computer, delete entry, dammit! No, don't delete it!"

*Please specify.*

"Uuuugh, I think I'm going to be sick again!"

B'Elanna

Personal log - Stardate 42683.9

Okay, I'm calmer now. I can do this. All I have to do is talk for some dumb computer. It doesn't have to be therapeutic if I don't want it to be. And I don't. I'm just talking.

There has to be a way around this enhancer. I've never come across a machine you can't break or a weapon you can't defend against. It's just a matter of finding the right combination....

We tried plasma rays, gamma rays, x-rays, radio waves, particle beams...we even resorted to throwing things at it. Nothing worked, especially not putting things in the beam's path. It just ate right through them. No, there must be something we're missing.

Well, what do we know? It's a beam. It scrambles molecules. It would rearrange Lieutenant Carey in a nanosecond until we couldn't recognize him....

Oh, hi, Carey.

Here's the data we've compiled so far.

Thanks, I'll take a look at it.

Were you just talking about me?

"Talking? About you? In a personal log? Don't be ridiculous."

"Sorry. Thought I heard my name mentioned."

"You're getting paranoid."

"With the Kazon out there, paranoid is a good bet. But if you do mention me, make it good, alright?"

"Sure." We better figure this out soon; everybody's getting fritzy around here.

Now where was I? Yeah, what I know. No rays, no beams, no phasers, no torpedoes - nothing works! I'm stumped. What the hell can stop a beam that rearranges molecules? Something that unrearranges them? That's stupid! Nothing can do that with an object as big as the ship. Even the transporter can't....

That's it!

Chakotay

First Officer's personal log - Stardate 42683.9

This is a mess, and I feel completely responsible for all of it.

I keep telling myself that that idea is hairbrained. I'm not responsible for Seska or her actions. But if I hadn't been so dense a year ago, we would not be in this predicament right now. How could I not know she's Cardassian?! Was I blind? Sleeping with the enemy takes on a whole new meaning in this situation.

B'Elanna's working on it. Maybe by now they've got it all worked out in Engineering and are having a party. But I've already been down to check on their progress twice. I don't want to seem pushy by making a third visit.

I could visit Sickbay. I left the captain with orders to stay put and get more sleep, but that was hours ago. What a switch - me giving Janeway orders! It makes me think about what could have been. But it's better this way; Voyager's crew would never have fit on my puny little barge. It would have imploded from the stress of so many people. Besides that point, I like being the first officer on Voyager. Captain Janeway and I suit each other - our command styles are remarkably complimentary. It's almost scary sometimes when I think about it. Or when I think about her.

Maybe I will go to Sickbay. I need to see the doctor anyway. My nose hurts again. I should let him fix it this time. There's no point in being a martyr. Nobody here would appreciate the irony of that position. Well, Captain Janeway would, but I'm not telling her anything about that brawl until I have to. She doesn't need to worry about idiotic crewmembers, at least not right now. Just as long as I never have to see her so out of control again, I'll take on any number of rowdy crew. The scene in the storage bay - now, that was extremely unnerving. And she handled it with as much dignity as she would a state dinner. She's something else. If only she weren't so Starfleet stubborn!

But her hands are soft, so there's hope for the rest of her. Maybe I'll ask her to join me for dinner. If B'Elanna ever gets around to cooking it.

The doctor

Chief Medical Officer's log - Stardate 42683.97

Captain Janeway is doing well, though there are still some residual chemicals in her system from the Kazon phaser. She is going to extreme measures to purge herself of every last bit of them. But I told her not to worry. With the amount of sodium she imbibed in the latest contraband from that oaf, Neelix, it was no wonder she was relieving her system in this manner. Sodium and antitrianaline do not mix. Had Neelix asked me about this first, the captain could have avoided an uncomfortable afternoon. However, she promised that from now on I would be consulted before anything of a culinary nature enters my Sickbay.

Commander Chakotay finally allowed me to heal his nose. It was bruised, not broken, but by the time he managed to come for a treatment, the bruise was the same color as his tattoo. I mentioned the aesthetic beauty of the combination, but he was not amused.

Beyond the typical runny nose and soil sample, it has been a dull day.

Tim he's-a-man Rollins

Personal log - Stardate 42683.99

Captain Janeway punched me!

Of course, she wasn't exactly herself. In control of herself, I mean. In control of anything, actually. She was stunned, not drunk. Too bad. I bet she could really swing with the best of them in a bar. I hear she's a pool shark, too.

Maia Quinn was out for blood! Whew! Don't think I'll be dating her again! She's not worth it, even if all ended well in Sickbay.

I can't believe I was punched by the captain!

Chapter 8 || Contents || Chapter 10