Twenty minutes after meeting with Joe Carey and B'Elanna, Chakotay stood at the door to Captain Janeway's quarters, deliberating how to approach the coming confrontation with her. The anger he'd felt on being purposefully shut out of a command situation had abated somewhat after speaking with Carey, but now that he was standing outside her door, trying to decide which part of the issue to deal with first, it returned forcefully. He had to swallow hard and clench his hands to keep from pounding on her door in an undignified display of temper. Such a lack of control on his part would discourage any useful discussion taking place, and probably end the possibility of resolving this situation peacefully. He needed to stay calm and professional. It was a hard task he'd set for himself; what he really wanted to do was wring her neck.

However, despite the justification of his anger, he also knew that he needed to hear her side of the story. His dealings in the Maquis had taught him that one side of a situation rarely made allowances or explanations for the other, and facts had the tendency to get twisted when strong emotions were involved. He didn't think the emotions could possibly grow any stronger in this case.

She answered the door chime quickly enough, requesting his identity before she would let him in. Commander Chakotay, he answered curtly. By using his title, he let her know that this was not a social visit.

The first thing he saw once inside the door was her phaser, not pointed at him precisely, but certainly aimed in his general direction. He looked at the weapon, then glanced up at her. I see you've spoken with Tuvok, was his heated reply to her actions, which was not exactly the best way to open this particular dialogue.

Janeway lowered the phaser, an apologetic expression on her face. I'm sorry. It was instinct. I had it up before you even answered my question. He didn't look convinced. If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing to Tuvok only an hour ago. She placed the phaser on her desk near the door, ready to grab it later if she needed it.

Even being in the presence of that weapon made him feel at a disadvantage. He wanted to nastily point out that he was unarmed and if she felt threatened in any way, she should just shoot him now and get it over with, but he managed to bite his tongue and turn away to stare blankly at the darkened corners of her cabin. She simply stood behind him, watching and waiting. Slowly he regained enough control so that he was able to calmly turn and look at her again.

Captain Janeway looked good for someone who happened to be on half the crew's hit list. He indicated the phaser sitting innocently on her desk. I guess that you know about the assassination attempts, he said, his voice carefully bland now. He didn't comment on the fact that the doctor had released her from Sickbay so soon, and that for a recent trauma patient, she looked.... But he couldn't afford to let his personal feelings confuse the issue... or him.

Yes, she answered just as carefully, her voice politically neutral, though she watched him closely. I've known since before you came to Sickbay early this morning.

Then she'd known longer than he had, yet she'd chosen not to say anything about it during his visit. Instead she'd asked unrelated personal questions. She was truly amazing, he decided in disgust. Betrayal and anger at being uninformed returned once again, and he clamped down hard on his emotions. Did Tuvok tell you? he questioned in a tone so polite it almost sickened him.

No. Her brow creased in a show of calculated innocence. My crew has been strangely disinclined to share that bit of information with me, she said, the innocence giving way until there was just the smallest edge to her voice. She was still looking at him, her gaze locked onto his features. I figured it out on my own. Of course, benzonyte flooding my quarters was a good hint.

If you knew this morning, why didn't you say something?

Perhaps for the same reason you didn't, she accused.

Why don't you tell me about the New Home Group, Captain? he commanded harshly, his tone biting. He had the unpleasant satisfaction of watching her face blanch.

She breathed a quick gasp of air, and her own accusations vanished. How did you find out about that?

Chakotay drew in a deep breath as well, stalling while he tightly reigned back on his anger again. Fighting with her would not solve anything. Neither of them could afford this kind of behavior. They needed to be allies in order to control the situation and keep everybody alive, and the Group would like nothing better than to have the captain and first officer at each others' throats.

He took another deep breath, then with his hands propped on his hips and his muscles clenched against more outbursts, he quietly explained his activities. Tuvok spoke to me this morning - I think that you already know that, he guessed. She nodded, and he continued, his jaw clenched so hard that he almost couldn't speak, He seemed convinced that I'm the one trying to kill you -

Chakotay, she interrupted, pleading.

Let me finish, he said, not wanting to hear her thoughts on the lieutenant commander's accusations. He had a buried fear that she might think Tuvok's idea had merit, and he didn't think he could deal with that possibility. He needed to hear the truth from her now more than anything else. Since I was the only person who knew that Tuvok was wrong, I started my own investigation. I looked through your daily schedule and logs, he admitted.

One brow twitched, though she still contemplated him passively, quietly chewing on the inside of her cheek. The captain's logs are considered confidential records, she pointed out civilly, but her voice showed how surprised she was that he would consider such an action. Surprised and angry.

Chakotay nodded. I know that. But I decided it was more important to keep the captain alive than to keep your privacy intact. It wasn't long before I found the gaps where you erased the entries. I started looking harder, and found more hidden records. It took me over two hours to crack your codes - you're pretty good at security overrides, Captain.

It sounds like you're better, she observed with her lips drawn in a tight, unhappy line.

He cocked his head. I had to be in order to survive the Maquis, he said, reminding her of his past for the first time in years. Though I admit I didn't expect to need those skills on board Voyager, and certainly not to hack through the captain's personal files. His voice had turned icy, accusatory.

Her eyes narrowed as she regarded him. I don't think I like your tone, Commander.

Surprised, his eyes widened. I don't think you have much of a choice, Captain.

What's your point, Chakotay? she demanded scathingly.

He dropped his hands from his hips and crossed over to her, his own eyes narrowed now. I want to know why you didn't tell me about the New Home Group, why I was kept out of the command structure again, and why you erased those records.

Janeway scowled. Kept out of the command structure... is that what this is all about? You're angry because -

Chakotay drew even closer to her, his index finger pointed only inches from her face. You bet I'm angry! he hissed. You've kept me in the dark in the past, and I accepted it because you're the captain and in the end it was for the good of the crew. But this is different. Somebody is trying to kill you. If they succeed, it will definitely not be in the best interest of the crew, or you, or me, or this ship! It's my job to keep you safe, and I can't protect you if I don't know what's going on!

She glared at him. Her hands were balled into fists, held tightly at her sides. Her entire posture exuded intense fury. What she said next astonished him even more because of it. Dammit, Chakotay, why the hell do you have to be such a good first officer! Janeway snarled in a whisper, then whirled away from him and made a quick circle of the room, calming herself, gathering her thoughts. He was still gaping at her when she faced him again. Her words were tight and strangled when she began explaining, as if his anger was the only thing forcing her to speak. I deleted the records because I didn't want anybody outside the Group to find out about any of this. I knew that once their existence became common knowledge, all hell was likely to break loose. There was a good possibility of the crew splitting right down the middle over this, and I wanted to avoid that at any cost. We need to be unified, one group, one crew, or our chances of ever getting home are as good as gone.

Our chances are gone if the captain is dead, too, Chakotay uncharitably pointed out. Why didn't you tell me about this? Did you think you couldn't trust me enough with the truth?

She sent him a withering look. Of course not. Once I realized what was happening, I decided to tell you and Tuvok, but they gave me that ultimatum before I thought it was time to say anything... and by then, there wasn't much either of you could have done -

How do you know that? he demanded. Who knows how we could have helped?

What would you have done? Tell me that, Chakotay. You've read my accounts - what words would have made a difference? What actions done at what time -

He interrupted, I don't know, and neither do you, because you never gave either of us the chance! That's the point!

Is it? Janeway closed what distance was left between them. She was so close that he could see the fury etched in each line of her face. She eyed him disdainfully, a curl to her lips, and softly sneered, Or is this simply a case of bruised ego?

In that instant Chakotay's expression changed. Damn you, Kathryn Janeway! he yelled, finally losing control. I came here to help you, but right now I'm only this far from finishing what the New Home Group started!

Go ahead, she taunted, her chin jutting out, her voice soft and dangerous. My phaser's right over there on the desk. I can't stop you. You could even put the phaser in my hand and it would look like suicide: quiet, clean, and oh, so convenient. Once I'm dead, you get to be captain, just as Tuvok suggested.

Stop it, Kathryn! You know that's not what I want! he raged.

Then what do you want? she shot back, losing control herself.

To stop you from destroying this crew!

To stop me...? she gasped, livid. Forty-three crewmembers request that I allow them to leave Voyager all at once, all of them knowing that this ship cannot operate with a crew of only one hundred, and I'm the one who wants to destroy this crew?

Stunned, her words checked his anger. What?

They would have abandoned the rest of us, and no matter what pithy name they give themselves, I refuse to let a minority of any crew under my command sacrifice the good of the group just for their own selfish desires to settle down and create families!

Though he was astounded to hear how many wanted to leave, and he agreed with the end results that she predicted, he still could not disregard their rights. But they have the right to want families, no matter how selfish you think they are. You can't ask them to sacrifice a home in this quadrant for one we may never reach again! he insisted.

Don't you mean not to sacrifice the present for a future that may never happen? she asked, her voice lower, but her words grinding through her clamped teeth. If I remember right, you said almost the same thing on New Earth when I wouldn't give up and accept the fact that we would be there for the rest of our lives. Well, I have news for you, Chakotay; this isn't New Earth!

I never thought it was! You made sure of that!

With those words, he moved the discussion to more personal grounds, and she faltered, unprepared for that angle of attack. Managing to hesitate only briefly, she persisted, Those members of the New Home Group have responsibilities to the rest of the crew. I refuse to let them -

But Chakotay pressed his unexpected advantage. And I want to point out that you have a responsibility to maintain the command structure of this ship, something you have obviously decided isn't as important as you claim! You talk about the need for unity and being one group... but I can't support your words when you turn around and deliberately cut me out of command decisions!

It was nothing deliberate on my part, Chakotay. It was simply what I thought was best at the time! she emphatically explained.

He shook his head. Of course it was deliberate! It's always deliberate with you. You've said it's not deliberate so often that this time I don't believe you, Kathryn!

It's the truth!

The only truth I understand is that you won't work with me, you won't let me help you, you won't trust me, and I want to know why!

Because of the way you feel! she exclaimed in a sudden emotional explosion, his anger and insistence ripping the words from her almost against her will.

What? he asked incredulously. The way I feel?

Yes! The way you feel about me!

Not once in all the years they'd spent together had she said anything about his professed feelings for her. She'd barely acknowledged his confession when it had taken place. Now she was declaring his emotions were the cause of all their problems. Surprised, he took a suspicious step back. What does that have to do with how you treat me as your first officer? You're just using that as an excuse!

Despite his retreat, Kathryn was still standing close enough to him that he could see the tight chords of her muscles in her neck, clenching and pulsing under her skin. It is not just an excuse. You don't understand, she said, her words so hushed and tense now that he almost didn't hear her. I can't let you in, not as Chakotay, she continued, marginally louder, her voice laced with repressed pain, not as the commander, not as my first officer....

Why not? he demanded, the words bitten off as if he hated the taste of them in his mouth. She remained silent, her gaze glued to his but unable or unwilling to speak further. She was fighting him the whole way, determined to stay in control. He stepped forward again until he could feel her breath on his cheek. Dammit, Kathryn, why... not? he repeated in a hiss.

The skin tightened further over her high cheek bones, but she was losing the battle. Because I feel the same way about you, she announced at last with an answering hiss.

A stunned silence, heavy with tension, followed her words. The rasp of their breathing was the only sound to invade her quarters. It was as if the rest of the ship had ceased to exist, and there was nothing beyond that room or the two of them.

Neither moved. They stared at each other, shocked, both waiting for the other to break the spell of silence that imprisoned them, both unable to be the first to speak.

Minutes passed. The silence had grown palpable. It was so strong that they could have cut it with the phaser still resting, neglected, on her desk. They were in danger of being swallowed up by the silence.

Janaway glanced down at the floor, and Chakotay stepped back, putting some necessary distance between them. The silence instantly filled the space he'd created. He didn't know what to say to help them get through this transition more easily. The silence was becoming awkward, growing, taking on a dimension and presence of its own. Soon it would be all they had left. Where they had been quick to toss hurtful insults at each other before, words of healing seemed much harder to come by.

Chakotay realized it was up to him to make the first move. Kathryn Janeway was consistent if she was anything, and she would have as hard a time accepting her emotions as she ever had accepting his. He opened his mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

I don't suppose this is a good time for one of my people's ancient legends.

He wasn't sure, but he thought her lips curved up in just a hint of a smile, though he hadn't intended to be humorous. Whatever antagonism that might still be hanging in the air between them diminished with her expression, then vanished as she calmly and quietly responded, It's always the right time for a legend... ancient or otherwise.

Invoking ancient legends was an excellent peace offering for them; just the mention of that shared moment quelled their anger and brought about a soothing calm. They were careful to maintain that space between them, but now he also smiled just a little at her. With the anger gone, Chakotay only felt tired. Tired, sore, and old. Can I ask you something?

Kathryn nodded slowly. I think I owe you that, at least.

Why didn't you tell me before now?

Janeway raised her eyes to his and thoughtfully regarded him for a moment. She chewed on the inside of her cheek again, then her shoulders relaxed, as if she had decided not to withhold anything anymore. I couldn't afford to say anything, she responded, explaining slowly. My job is to get this ship back home. That demands every ounce of energy and concentration I possess. Sometimes, it takes more than I possess.

Even now, she couldn't resist being slightly facetious. He came closer to a smile. I know what you mean.

She continued. I felt that it wasn't wise for me to complicate the situation by saying something. But mostly, I think I was worried that if I let down my guard, even for a second, I might lose what control I had left and not care if we make it back home either.

Her explanation made everything fall into place; the command tug-of-war they had always engaged in, the way she pushed him away though she clearly wanted to be friends, the underlying tension that had accompanied their every encounter since New Earth. At least now he understood. Nature had made her passionate, but a fear like the captain's was a strong deterrent, even for something as powerful as her emotions. Janeway was such an obstinate person, determined to put her needs aside to lead her crew, dedicated to attaining the goals she set for herself, and doing it all alone. Yet these attributes, as commendable as they were, had exacted a high price from both her and the crew. The attempts to kill her merely symptomized the complex ramifications of the command style she had adopted since coming to the Delta Quadrant. If she had only been able to trust herself from the very beginning, and hence trust him as well, so much might have been different, so much unnecessary pain averted.

Chakotay heaved a deep sigh, the sound cutting away the rest of their shared uneasiness. The only thing left was the regret, and he suspected that it might take a long time for that to dwindle and disappear. He watched her for a moment, his head tilted to the side in a thoughtful attitude, though what he was about to ask made him feel uncomfortable. Do you really think I don't care if we make it home again?

The captain sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. She suddenly looked as old as he felt. I don't know what to think about anybody, Chakotay. The New Home Group has me rethinking every decision I've made in this quadrant. I second guess myself. I doubt everything. She massaged her cheek in a show of dispirited exasperation. I admit that I thought we were getting along quite well. But 'quite well' is apparently little more than simple survival to the crew, and they deserve more than that.

So do you, he pointed out.

Her expression lightened, the hint of a smile growing. Is that what I've been doing, Chakotay? Just surviving? She went on to answer her own question. She sighed, the smile gone. I know. I've been putting off life to concentrate on the physical reality. It was something at least I understood.

I think we've all done that to some extent. Some of us just recovered more quickly than others. Harry's a good example. I haven't heard him mention Libby's name in years.

She cast a complimentary glance at him. You're especially adept at moving on and accepting changes. I... I've always envied you that ability, she confessed.

He gazed at her shyly. Well, loving someone helps.

It was the first time he had voiced his feelings in a form that wasn't wrapped in legends or stories. Her heart skipped a beat. It was a pleasant sensation, yet made her acutely, uncomfortably nervous at the same time. They needed to discuss a great many issues before they could work around to anything private. But Chakotay hadn't moved towards her, and she realized that he wasn't making any startling new revelations. She had known how he felt for years. She just hadn't taken the time to acknowledge it. She'd been too busy charging full steam ahead, leading her crew through space while simultaneously remaining motionless and rooted in her safe reality. She snorted a laugh. It's ironic that the captain of the ship is the last to relinquish that old existence.

Chakotay wasn't willing to let herself be the martyr just yet. Your drive kept us heading in the right direction. We couldn't have survived this long without that, no matter who thinks differently. But you're right: at this point the crew needs more.

They need a home. A better home than this one, at any rate, she corrected herself. A better one than I can provide, I think. With that in mind, the New Home Group seems bent on replacing me. I'm sure they're thinking that you would prove to be a captain far more likely to listen to their needs than I have.

He snorted a laugh similar in irony to hers. Then they'll be disappointed. I won't lead a crew of dissidents and killers. That leaves Tuvok, and I don't think anybody wants to serve under him again.

Janeway laughed softly, fondly. I'm not sure if he's recovered from the time we spent on New Earth or not. My guess is those months were a learning experience for everybody involved.

Yes, you could call it that, Chakotay said, and she glanced at him quickly, wanting to gauge by his expression if he meant just what his words said, or if he was specifically referring to their personal learning experience during that time. She was scared of both. But he had turned away and moved to the viewing ports. He sat on her sofa in the same spot she had occupied while eating Harry's dessert. It seemed like years had passed since then. Tell me about them.

The New Home Group. She paused for a moment, took a turn around the living area of her quarters, then stopped in front of him. They started coming to me about seven months ago, she somberly began. Quietly, secretly, in ones and twos... sometimes they made contact by general conversation; half the time I didn't even know I was being interviewed. The captain sighed, collecting her thoughts, and stood with one hand on her hip, the other rubbing her neck while she stared at the ceiling of her quarters. Now I know that they were testing the waters, feeling me out on different scenarios, seeing how I might react to certain possibilities. She shook her head and confessed, I even grew to know some of them quite well. I suppose I should have known better. She looked pointedly at him as she spoke.

Chakotay sighed regretfully. When he had spoken to Joe Carey about the Group just an hour before, the lieutenant hadn't said anything about any of this, and he wasn't surprised at the omission. They certainly knew your weak spots.

She acknowledged his comment with a sharp laugh. Weak spots, she repeated in bitter amazement. Isolation policy is what the doctor always calls it. But in spite of my propensity to shut myself off, I've probably had more discussions about personal lives these last few months than I have in my entire career as a commanding officer.

What does the Group claim they want? he asked. Though he knew the answer, he wished to hear what she would say.

Captain Janeway glibly recited, They want to be left behind on a suitable 'M' class planet so they can have the freedom to create families and build a closer community than they think Voyager is capable of offering them. But I can't let them abandon the rest of us like that. Surely you read that somewhere in your sp - She abruptly cut herself off, a guilty look on her face.

In my spying session, he finished for her. Might as well call it what it was. I didn't enjoy that, by the way, he confessed. At first I felt like an awful heel to be invading your privacy. When he paused, she arched one brow questioningly. Once I got in, I was too angry to feel much of anything beyond amazement that I hadn't heard a thing about any of this.

I am sorry, Chakotay, she said, sitting next to him. I never meant to shut you out of the command structure. At least, not this time.

She sounded truly contrite, but a little of the anger stirred in his stomach again. Chakotay regarded her from his seat. Only two feet separated them. Earlier that day, it had felt like a gulf of infinite light years had come between them. I'd like you to make sure it doesn't happen again, he requested calmly, yet firmly, and there was no mistaking the importance of this request.

The captain met his gaze, quickly conceding. It won't, she promised solemnly.

Chakotay nodded. I can't help but think that we could have averted a great deal of this if I had been informed six months ago. But I also know that you're not the only one at fault; the Group's representatives should have come to me first instead of going straight to you. Each person you talked to knows the proper grievance procedure. I must have spoken to all of them at least ten times when we first started out: arguments with roommates, problems with superiors, anger at the need for rations, dislike for the doctor... I heard it all. But the Group as a whole didn't say a thing. I spent the afternoon on the Bridge wondering why.

When he didn't continue right away, and instead stared across her quarters, lost in thought, she prompted, Did you ever figure it out?

He looked back to her. No, not until I talked to Joe Carey just before I came to speak with you.

She was surprised. Joe Carey? She turned to face him squarely, so dumbfounded that she forgot about keeping that buffer of air between them and closed the distance a little. I've never spoken to him about the New Home Group.

This in turn caught Chakotay unawares. He's very much a part of it. In fact, he was the one who poisoned your coffee. Janeway's mouth fell open in disbelief, and she was too astonished to close it. Only after he had spoken, when it was too late, did it occur to Chakotay to soften this blow. Janeway had always championed Lieutenant Carey in the past, and hearing that he had tried to kill her had to come as a shock. Chakotay gently explained, I'm sorry, but you might as well hear it all. Joe added the chemical that would react with sugar just before Neelix left the mess hall for the morning briefing. But Carey had second thoughts and called Neelix back. Unfortunately, I had the coffee by then. You know the rest of that story.

Janeway stared at the floor, her lips moving, but no sound issued from them. She raised a hand to cover her mouth, and for a moment she could do nothing but stare blankly at the carpet beneath her feet. Finally she had enough control to softly say, Joe Carey is one of the finest, most reliable Starfleet officers on this ship. I have a hard time believing that he's part of this - She stopped, struggling to keep her emotions in check.

This news had hurt, and Chakotay ached in sympathy for her. After being accused of trying to murder the captain by someone he considered to be a comrade and friend, he understood fully what it was to be betrayed by someone he had trusted. Awkward, the motion unfamiliar to him, he tentatively reached out to place a supportive hand on her back. There's more, he warned then, hoping to give her at least an amount of preparation.

She lifted her head. A dull bleakness filmed the usually radiant blue of her eyes, though she managed a wan smile. Go ahead, I can take it.

The gas device that Tuvok found in your ventilation system wasn't placed there by any of the crew, as Tuvok thought. They beamed it in, then scrambled the transporter signature in every way that's conceivably possible. To be more precise, it was in more ways than is possible for a Federation starship.

Janeway looked at him in puzzlement, then realization dawned on her. She closed her eyes. Don't tell me, she pleaded, but went on to say exactly what she didn't wish to hear. I bet there was a trace of Borg ingenuity behind that plan.

Chakotay calmly said, Carey didn't say that Seven was involved in any way, and it's certainly possible for anybody to use the relays connected to her alcove in the cargo bay by rerouting the transporter systems, but her neural link to the alcove would have alerted her instantly that someone was tampering with her systems. She knew what was happening even if she didn't have an active part.

Could her link be somehow blocked so even if she did know, she couldn't interfere?

He thought on that, and shrugged. I don't know. B'Elanna can answer that better than I can. The question is if Seven is Group material.

Seven, part of the New Home Group? It's almost an oxymoron, she said with a resigned shake of her head. She's never spoken to me on behalf of the Group, but then, I would never suspect Joe Carey to be part of this, either. It's possible, I suppose. It would certainly explain her behavior over the last months. And it would be an excellent outlet for her aggressions. Getting rid of me would probably be a plus as far as she's concerned. A sarcastic note crept into her voice with her last words.

Chakotay's lips curled up in a small grin. You two are just too much alike. I bet some people think the ship would run much smoother without either of you. Which brings me to the next news. She gave him a pained expression, then simply waited. He went on, Joe mentioned that the Group would probably make a third attempt on your life in the next day or so. He suggested that we at least take some precautions -

How charitable of him, she interjected dryly.

Chakotay sighed unhappily, but otherwise ignored her interruption. So I disconnected your comm badge and instructed the computer not to reveal your location unless accompanied by my security codes. Though, that might not be much of a deterrent, he said to himself, thinking of B'Elanna. They used the transporter once - I expect they'll try it again. Before we leave here tonight, I want to reactivate your badge, but leave it behind. Perhaps we can keep the Group off balance if they're not sure how much we know about what they're doing. Transporting a comm badge won't tell them anything specific, but it will keep them guessing. It's a small advantage, but right now it's one I'd like to have.

Kathryn's glance had turned from bleak to suspicious. What do you mean by leaving?

Chakotay was prepared for this. You, Kathryn, are going into hiding.

She balked. Oh, no, I'm not!

Oh, yes, you are. His command was firm and indisputable. You're a target. You're not even safe in your own quarters at this point.

Tuvok has security measures in place...

Tuvok's notion of security is erecting force fields and complicated voice activated override patterns, all of which can be deactivated with a few well-timed commands to the computer. I don't plan on letting you act like a sitting duck while Mr. Tuvok plays happily with his security measures. You're spending the night elsewhere.

For a split second she thought he wanted her to spend the night with him. An explosion of images erupted from her imagination, the barrage so powerful and unexpected that it scared her into jumping to her feet and successfully recreating the barrier of air between them again. Uh... I don't... really, I'm not sure that's... uh....

Confused at first by her strange behavior and stuttered words, Chakotay had to struggle to hide his amusement when he understood what she was talking about. No, I don't think that's a good idea either. If something were to happen while I was with you.... Well, I don't plan to give Tuvok any more reasons to suspect me, besides the ones he already has. But don't worry. I think you'll like the accommodations. She eyed him warily. Trust me, Kathryn.

Annoyed, she glared at him. I do. I always have, even though it went against everything the personnel reports suggested. I just.... Emotion rippled across her features, and she had to pause and take a breath for fear she might lose her composure again. I just didn't trust myself, she admitted softly.

And I know that's not like you, he insisted, puzzled. She wasn't referring to trusting him in an official capacity, he realized, choosing to listen to the words she wasn't saying as well as the ones she spoke aloud. This situation was as much about their personal relationship and how the fallout affected everybody on the ship as it was about the command structure. Did this all start on New Earth?

A sigh of frustration escaped her lips. Chakotay, we have more pressing problems to deal with than -

Chakotay nodded, frustrated as well but willing to put off this discussion for awhile longer if necessary. All right, he agreed. But, please, I want to talk about New Earth sometime. It's been hanging over us for years, like some evil black secret I should be ashamed of. I'm not ashamed of anything that happened there.

Kathryn faced him, the distress caused by wanting too many things clear on her face. Oh, Chakotay, neither am I.

He nodded again, able to believe her. You know, the only reason it has any power over us at all is because we have never acknowledged that it happened. Nobody knows what went on there, and there's nothing like a secret to encourage speculation and -

Gossip, she finished for him, one eyebrow arched disdainfully.

Chakotay had to smile at her choice of words. Tuvok hasn't really trusted me since then. Maybe that's why it was so easy for him to think that I'm capable of killing you.

She couldn't help but defend her old friend, arguing, To be fair, Tuvok was only doing what he perceived as his duty. He knows less about this than you do. He'll probably want to lecture me later on keeping my security chief properly informed, she said in deprecation. But I am sorry he spoke to you as he did. She looked away, trying to hide her sudden despair, and forcefully declared, I'm sorry any of this happened.

Chakotay wasn't fooled by her attempt to spare him her pain, and the fact that he couldn't erase it by telling her everything would be all right compounded his own remorse. The only thing he could do for her now was finish telling her what he had learned from Lieutenant Carey in the hopes that together they could find a solution to the problem and the despair. Are you aware that Lauren Carr is pregnant? he quietly asked.

The tactic worked better than he would have expected. Kathryn's features lost the grieved expression. A sense of wonder slowly replaced the dullness in her eyes as she gazed at him and shook her head. No. I had no idea.

Chakotay watched as this information took hold of her, and she started to re-examine certain past events in connection with this news. He went on, predicting the next question that she would need to complete her conjectures. Joe Carey's the father.

Kathryn's gaze locked with his. Just from the look in her eyes he could tell that she was making the same conclusions he had. Joe Carey? she carefully repeated, her scientific mind racing to more conclusions and hypotheses. One thought led to another, and slowly her face lightened. She looked at him. A child changes the equation a bit, don't you think?

Chakotay had to agree with that assessment. Yes, things start to take on an entirely different meaning when you know all the variables.

Animation brought about by this further information allowed her to stand straighter and square her shoulders again, much like the Captain Janeway of old. But she refused to get carried away too quickly. However, Lieutenant Carey has a family back home, she steadfastly pointed out.

We didn't have time to talk much about that, Chakotay admitted. Or about the problems Ensign Carr's been having in Sciences. But we both know Joe. He takes his responsibilities very seriously, and that seriousness extends to his family back home. He isn't the type of man to abandon something that important if he had reason to think there was the remotest chance he might return to them someday. Now he has the opportunity to start a family here. He paused to scrutinize her closely. Would you deny him that opportunity because you think it's not for the good of the crew?

Kathryn stared back at him, shocked, the lightness slipping from her eyes. You know I wouldn't.

Satisfied with her response, he nodded. Yes, I do know that. And, I think, so does Joe Carey.

Puzzled now, she could only shake her head and say, But... then why... I don't... understand - She cut herself off and stood lost in thought, eyes narrowed, hands on hips, her mind racing once again. Her first officer watched her, enjoying the spectacle of the captain once more starting to take control. Suddenly she locked eyes with him again. With one eyebrow coyly arched, she calmly stated, They don't want off the ship at all. They want the ship.

He nodded. That's exactly my theory too. The minute I heard about Lauren's pregnancy, none of what we knew so far made any sense anymore, especially the way the New Home Group was so determined to get off the ship. If that's what they wanted, what good would it do to kill the captain? It would make far more sense for them to sabotage Voyager or hijack the ship until you relent to their demands. So I think they want to stay here.

But not with me as captain, she continued.

Maybe not with certain of your command policies, he disputed.

She eyed him carefully. What do you mean?

He hesitated. This may be the part of the conversation that you won't want to hear.

Janeway lifted one corner of her mouth in a half grin. If I had a cup of coffee for every time you've said that.... She waited, but Chakotay didn't finish the prediction her statement implied. He could only gaze at her, hesitantly trying to decide if he should continue on the subject he'd started or hold his peace. This irritated her. Everybody on board was either trying to kill her or trying to shield her. At that moment, she hated every member of the crew, including herself. Don't protect me, Chakotay; I don't like it. At this point, I can take anything. Now, tell me what you mean.

Chakotay glanced down, ordering his thoughts, habitually wanting to choose his words carefully, though he realized that speaking the truth whether she might like it or not would be more beneficial than adherence to standard diplomacy. If he couldn't talk honestly with the captain, then nobody could. We have to consider the Group's motives for doing the things they've been doing. They obviously want a home, a more suitable one than they have. You said that yourself. She nodded, encouraging him to go on, wanting to understand. Something about life on Voyager pushed them to this point, something pretty untenable. In frustration or despair or anger, they chose to ask to be let off, even though that's probably not what they really want. Then when you refused, they chose to get rid of you. What I think they really want to change is some of your policies. But you're such a... He hesitated again, knowing she wouldn't want to hear what he was about to say. His desire to solve this situation terminated his more diplomatic tendencies. You're so Starfleet, Captain, that you're strangling the natural lives of the crew.

To her credit, Janeway did her best not to make an unwarranted retort. She wanted to find an end to this problem as well, though the personal nature of it made it very hard for her to ignore a strong impulse to defend herself. To keep from losing her temper, she asked for clarification. Can you be more specific?

You used to be more... approachable. When we started this journey, all your energies were centered on the crew; making them feel comfortable, sorting through the grief, the feelings of loss, teaching everybody how to work together, treating them like they mattered.

Yes, she agreed patiently. You were instrumental in much of what we accomplished then. But what does that have to do -

You don't do that anymore, he interrupted.

I beg your pardon.

Chakotay struggled to put words to the vague feelings that he had spent years trying to define. Finally he blurted, When was the last time you ate dinner with a crewmember?

She shook her head, uncomprehending. What...?

Do you ever take the time to stop for a quick chat in the corridor? Do you know who's dating, who's not, who's sick, who's homesick -

Chakotay, stop! she ordered, on the verge of helplessly giving in to her anger.

My point is, you're the captain of the ship, but you're not part of the crew.

Of course I am, she debated, inexplicably hurt by his gentle accusation. The captain of a starship...

It doesn't matter what other captains do on other ships. As captain of this starship, you're floundering. You spend so much time procuring supplies, taking care of the crew's physical needs, that there's no energy left for their emotional needs.

She jerked back angrily. I can't do everything, she insisted argumentatively. Or be everything to everybody. That's ridiculous.

Well, that's what the Group wants. Someone who can be both a captain of the ship and a leader of the crew.

Janeway sat on the arm of a chair, at a loss, looking momentarily deflated. She sighed a deep, ragged breath of air. But, Chakotay, how can I possibly be all that, do all that, when I barely have time to keep up with the foodstuffs and supplies, or keep the ship in working condition. I don't have enough time as it is. Now you're telling me that for the well-being of the crew, I suddenly have to find the time to have chit chat in the corridor? Her voice was rising, and a look of panicked irritation had invaded her eyes.

No. He saw the look in her eyes. No, he repeated, calming. I know how much we all have to do, and that you can't do everything. But you have over one hundred people here to help you. What I'm suggesting is that you delegate some of what you're doing to the more capable crewmembers - there are several who are more than ready for additional responsibilities - leaving you time to get in touch with the crew again -

Chakotay, you can't possibly think that it's acceptable for the command staff to simply hand over something as important as procuring supplies -

You don't have a choice, he said, sharper than he meant. Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair, then tried again. Think of it this way: As immortal as you might think you are, you will have to be replaced someday, and that can be either in two days or in fifty years. With that in mind, it's perfectly acceptable to begin training individuals for future positions. That will also create a sense of purpose that goes beyond the daily grind. It will give these people goals that are more attainable in their lifetimes.

More attainable than reaching home, she responded quietly, sounding even more defeated, sounding abandoned.

He sighed sadly. That will always be our ultimate goal. But we need something more to concentrate on than just survival. He stared at her, deciding to complete his thought, and added, You need more.

More... meaning a relationship, with him or with anybody. Maybe even more time for herself. That was a concept she hadn't considered for a long time. But to do as he asked would mean modifying the way they governed Voyager. It would mean modifying Starfleet. She didn't know if she could do that.

He said, Of course, it's up to you. You can continue as you are, isolating yourself from the crew, setting yourself apart, playing it safe. You can be alone here among all these people, or not. It's your choice, he emphasized again, then stood up, the action drawing the conversation to a close. I just want you to think about it, Kathryn. You'll have the time; I'd like to move you to a safer location - your comm badge has been inactive long enough already. Pretty soon, Tuvok will start to worry.

On cue, Chakotay's communicator beeped. He wasn't surprised to hear Tuvok's voice come over the system, an edge of concern creeping through his nonchalant question about the captain's whereabouts. Chakotay waved a warning hand to keep Kathryn quiet even as he smiled at the Vulcan's desire to hide his concern. Vulcans and their damn superior attitude. She's safe, Tuvok, he assured anyway.

*Safe. Does that mean -*

It means exactly what it means, Tuvok. Give me a few minutes, then meet me back at your quarters. We need to talk.

There was a pause as the Vulcan processed what was obviously another new development. *I must speak to the captain. I have information she requested.*

Tuvok was being subtly insistent, but Chakotay refused his request by pulling rank. Sorry, Tuvok, it will have to wait. Meet me in ten minutes and we'll talk all you want.

Tuvok knew when to retreat. *Aye, sir,* he said and closed the channel. Chakotay thought he heard the hiss of an irritated sigh before the channel closed completely, but he wasn't sure.

Kathryn eyed him balefully. You'll just make him fret by doing things like that.

Vulcans don't fret.

Tuvok's not that Vulcan, she reminded him.

Chakotay gave a hint of a smile. I know, he said, thinking that it wouldn't do Tuvok any harm at all to fret for a change and see how he liked it. His smile became decidedly satisfied.

The captain's expression became proportionally indignant, but she didn't say anything, and when the commander held out his hand for her communicator badge, she handed it over without comment. I don't suppose you'll tell me where I'm going.

Somewhere safe. Chakotay crossed to her computer and keyed in a prearranged coded sequence that mystified her. This entire operation rang with Maquis overtones.

Somewhere safe, she repeated, irritated. She didn't like not being in control.

He looked back at her, teasing, You sound like the doctor. At her next aggravated glare, he explained. I don't trust the ship's security system. It's been compromised at least twice already, and for all I know, someone just listened to our entire conversation. I don't want to take the chance that anybody can find you. Not now. Not ever, he thought, chilled again at being reminded of the reasons for his extreme caution. I know you don't like it, but it's the best I can do to make sure you stay alive for at least another few hours.

She seemed to accept that. While I'm in hiding, what will you be doing?

Well, first I need to talk to Tuvok. I want to set up a meeting between you, the command staff, the New Home Group, and anybody else who wants to attend. At her distrustful expression, he said, We need to talk about all this, air out the grievances, keep it open for anyone. Secrets breed wild speculation. That leads to a loss of control. I'm sure you can appreciate what that would do to Voyager.

His slightly sarcastic comment hit a nerve of honesty in her that she couldn't refute. Besides, he was right in his plan for openness. It was the best way to contain the damage; any Academy professor could tell her that. Janeway nodded her head, gracefully accepting his proposal even if she didn't like it.

This meeting will probably be hard for you, Chakotay quietly warned next. The Group is sure to attack every decision we've made in the last year, and as captain, they'll expect you to take responsibility for that. To express the seriousness of such an attack, he handed her the phaser she had laid aside earlier.

Taking the offered weapon, she gave another half smile. I've lived through worse, Chakotay, she assured. But I want you to promise to be careful when you set up this meeting. I know you, she warned just as seriously. Don't be too noble or too loyal. It's more important to keep control of the ship than it is to keep me in the captain's chair.

It won't come to that, he vowed. I won't let it.

She sighed, also knowing that he would never abandon his personal promise of loyalty to her, even if it meant losing the ship. There were some things that Chakotay was just too stubborn about to be reasonable. Annoyingly, she found that one of his most endearing qualities. Just be careful, she said, honestly concerned. I don't want you to get hurt.

Touched by the amount of emotion she was letting leak into her voice, Chakotay somberly said, Aye, Captain. The way he said it let her know that he was addressing her personal inclinations as well as her professional concern. It once again reminded them both of what she had confessed earlier, and that a decision of any kind on that topic had yet to be discussed.

Suddenly Janeway found herself looking forward to that discussion. Now wasn't the time for it, she knew, but she could at least show that she was open to it. I never thanked you for staying with me in Sickbay.

Chakotay gave a surprised start. You knew I was there?

She smiled a soft, enigmatic smile. Of course I knew. I felt your hand on my forehead. I... I liked that feeling, she shyly stated. Her gaze became as tender as her words as she looked up at him.

A soft smile creased his face, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. Wordlessly, he lifted his left hand up to her, palm out. She matched his gesture with her right hand, touching her palm to his, their fingers securely weaving together to signify the hold they had on each other. Though left unspoken, it was a sweet confirmation of the love that had begun so many years before.

They parted also without saying anything. It was as if there was suddenly nothing more that needed to be said. They both knew that somehow they would get through this current crisis. Unified, they were unbeatable.

Computer, Chakotay commanded, his eyes never leaving hers, execute command Kathryn alpha delta one. He paused for a moment as the computer processed his order. Then he said, Energize.

He watched as the first hint of Voyager's transporter beam coalesced around her figure, taking her to safety. The blue lights danced across her face, quickly growing thicker and more solid. He realized the beam was too solid at the same time she did. Her expression changed to one of alarm just as he felt the first familiar tingles of another transporter beam. He glanced down at the comm badge he was still holding in his right hand - her comm badge, activated once again with the order he'd given to the computer. They must have had a constant lock on Janeway's signal, waiting for the second it was reinstated to begin transporting her to... somewhere. But the captain was still safe, and because he retained her badge, they got him instead.

Stupid, he berated himself for not laying her badge on the desk before issuing the command. He glanced up for a last look at Kathryn, but he could no longer see her as the two beams swept them both away.

Chapter 6 || Contents || Chapter 8