The next day was the worst day of Chakotay's life.

It began poorly, and simply deteriorated from there. After leaving Sickbay, he spent six hours thrashing in his bed, trapped in a web of dreams that left him nauseated and coated with sweat. He made two more attempts to get some real rest, but the dreams persisted, each nightmare image flowing so smoothly into the next that he had a hard time forcing himself awake. The sickly sweet smell of the gas he'd inhaled permeated his sleep, linking each image to the harrowing moments he'd spent dragging Kathryn across the floor of her quarters. When he could, he would force himself to jerk awake, and when he didn't have that much control of the dreams, he tossed fitfully in his drug induced sleep.

Finally he gave up. He showered, ate a quick meal in the mess hall while managing to avoid any curious questions about the captain's condition, then retreated to the relative safety of his office to hide from the doctor. If the medical officer discovered his return to work without receiving the prescribed hours of sleep, he knew he'd never hear the end of it. Unfortunately, there was a message from the captain on his computer requesting some of his early computations for the transporter algorithm he'd been working on with Harry Kim. His initial reaction was delight that she was awake and alert. His desire to stay far away from the doctor wrestled with an equally strong desire to talk to Kathryn. He decided to risk the doctor's displeasure. The fact that he was using work as an excuse to spend some time with the captain was ignored... as usual.

Chakotay's initial delight did not last long, however. The doctor met him at the door to Sickbay, a heavy scowl etched on his face. She's impossible, he declared severely, then added, And so are you. Keep it brief. Sufficiently warned, the doctor let the commander pass the rest of the way into the medical bay. Hands planted firmly on his hips, the hologram cast a threatening glance at both officers before departing for his office.

Captain Janeway lifted her eyes from the two data padds in her hands to give Chakotay a quick glance, but resumed her work immediately. I see the guard dog let you in, she commented tartly, her voice devoid of humor.

Chakotay paused, sensitive to her tone. The relaxed attitude of her impromptu dessert fest was gone, replaced with the more familiar mannerisms of the overly stressed captain of Voyager, a captain as alone as her ship. He sighed. This change wasn't wholly unanticipated; surgery had to be an extreme stress to her system, and naturally she would fall back on whatever made her feel safe. But he was going to miss the Kathryn who was willing to share desserts and talk about New Earth.

He let a sigh of mourning slip passed his lips, then he smiled cheerfully and offered her the data padd. Yes, I've been cleared for the moment, but dutifully warned to leave shortly. Talk fast.

Janeway looked up at his jocular words. She blinked in surprise, momentarily taken aback. His tone was in contrast to his appearance. She couldn't help but notice the bruised circles around his eyes, his haggard features that were not disguised by his smile, and his general fatigue. You look awful.

Her words triggered a more sincere smile. Yes, well, so do you, he pointed out. The medical blues she wore were wrinkled from being slept in, and the color looked stark against her pasty skin. Her hair hung limply around her pale face. He noticed that the hair right above her forehead was especially flat. At least he could see that his vigil the night before had had some physical affect on her, even if she was unaware of it.

She chuckled, her face lightening. Yes, I suppose I do. I guess blue never really was my color.

So that's the real reason you decided to change from sciences to command, he said with a smile, then continued, I brought the data you asked for. I hope it helps. He handed his padd over to her.

She took it slowly, her smile fading, as if she had suddenly remembered the real reason for his visit. Thank you, Chakotay. She didn't look at the padd to make sure it contained what she needed. She didn't glance at it at all. Kathryn sat on the bed, her shoulders slumped forward, twisting the data padd in her hands.

Chakotay was puzzled. One minute Kathryn was all business, the efficient captain, and the next she looked like a lost girl, frightened and indecisive. Perhaps the recent events had taken a larger toll on her than he had suspected. It hadn't even been a day since her surgery... the doctor might be right. Maybe she was working herself too hard, trying to recover too quickly, being, as he'd called her, impossible.

Which was exactly what he expected, Chakotay thought to himself. If he knew her well enough to successfully predict her choice of coffee, he also knew how she might handle an event as traumatic as the one she had just experienced. Kathryn was not a person to give in to her infirmities. She never even gave in to her doubts or fears that he knew of. Her habit was to move on, to keep working towards solving the problem presented to her or to strive insistently after her goals. In this case, as in any other, he had subconsciously expected her to move forward quickly rather than to look back, to keep working, to stay busy... and definitely not to give herself time for assessing any emotional damage she might have suffered along the way. Captain Janeway didn't think her emotions were something to consider. It was that simple. She could consider other people's emotions, and often did. But her own were off limits to everybody, including herself. For if she ever did contemplate her own emotions, she might not like what she found, and that was a frightening prospect to a captain who desired to always be in control.

So Chakotay puzzled on as Kathryn turned the data padd over and over in her hands, a frown on her face and her brow deeply furrowed. Something was certainly on her mind.

Finally, just as he was about to excuse himself and leave her to her thoughts, she looked up. Chakotay, I... I wondered if I could ask you something, she stuttered, doubt plain on her face.

He nodded. Anything. What's on your mind?

She straightened her shoulders and put the data padd down on the bed before saying, It's something I've been thinking about recently - She locked him with a suddenly piercing gaze. Are you all right? she asked.

The question surprised the hell out of him. Me? he repeated dumbly. Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?

Her eyes widened. Oh, well, I didn't mean that... exactly. Well, no, that is a good question, considering everything - She stopped herself. Taking a deep breath, she started again. Maybe you remember last night, right before I went in to wash my hands.... She trailed off, once more lost in thought.

She didn't continue, and he finished for her. You said you wanted to ask me something. I assumed it dealt with the crew projects you were working on at the time, or the transporter problem. He gestured vaguely at the data padd in her lap. If she had any questions about his information, all she had to do was look at the padd. What was she talking about?

Kathryn's brow rose in a deprecatory look. That would be typical, she agreed. But, no. She hesitated again. At last she said, Chakotay, if there was something bothering you, if you had a problem of some kind... would you talk to me about it?

This question surprised him more than the previous one, and he hadn't thought that was possible. Well... he said, not sure how to answer, not even sure what her motivation was for asking. Was this the captain talking, or Kathryn? Did it matter? And if it did, who should he choose to address? Momentarily frazzled, he came to the decision that it was safer to treat this like any request of a captain to her first officer. Of course. The captain of a starship certainly has the right to know if something is bothering the first officer -

She was shaking her head, a small, incomprehensible smile lifting her lips. No, that's not what I mean. If you had a personal... dilemma, she stumbled over her words again, and needed somebody to... unload on, would you talk to me about it?

There was obviously something going on here that he didn't know about, though at least now he knew who was doing the asking. But it made answering a lot trickier. Chakotay puffed out his cheeks with a breath of air as he considered what he should say. If he were honest, he would have to tell her that no, she probably wouldn't be his first choice as a sounding board for personal problems. She was asking him if he would confide in her, let her further in to his personal life, and that was generally not something he thought of as an option. He was much more likely to go to B'Elanna than to her. Yet, since he couldn't begin to predict her reasons for asking in the first place, he wasn't sure that he could be honest. It depends, he finally settled on, knowing that his answer was not an answer, but it put the conversation back to her, and maybe she would give him a little more information so that he could try again.

She nodded, not upset at his vagueness. I was wondering. The doctor mentioned that he suspected something was bothering you, but you hadn't said anything. I was worried that you felt you couldn't talk to me.

Of course he felt he couldn't talk to her. He would love to be free enough to discuss such things as personal issues with her. There had been many times when her particular insight could have proven helpful and valuable. But he knew that once is all it would take for her to think that by bringing something personal to her, he was pushing to further their presently stagnated relationship. She would claim that he was refusing to accept reality, he would furiously disagree, and after that, he would lose her for good. Such a confrontation with her was something he planned to avoid at all costs. Usually I would choose not to bother you with the inconsequential details of what really isn't a very exciting life... barring the typical alien attack and random space virus, he hastened to add. They both smiled. He went on, However, if you really want to hear about every time I have words with Torres over a recent and hotly contested sports event, I'll be happy to tell you all about it.

She considered his offer. Maybe not every time, she decided jokingly. He laughed lightly, but she was watching him again. You're sure everything's fine?

Yes, things are fine. There's nothing bothering me. Except that there's some strange unhappiness pervading the crew. And the captain of the ship has been in Sickbay twice for extremely weird accidents. And except the fact that you won't let me love you. He decided against saying his thoughts aloud. But he did feel it was acceptable to ask her the the same question. Are you all right?

Completely... if you don't take into account a week plagued by severe allergic reactions, deathly accidents, and coffee withdrawal.

It has been a busy week. He chuckled in agreement, amazed at how adept he had become at hiding his true self from her.

Kathryn smiled wanly, then drew a breath to continue, but she didn't get the chance. The doctor appeared at Chakotay's elbow, his lips drawn tight in a line of disapproval. I thought this was going to be a short visit.

It is, Chakotay assured him.

Then it's over, informed the doctor shortly. My patient needs rest. Any problems or natural disasters that have occurred can wait until later. Get out, Commander.

Chakotay knew when not to argue with the hologram. He nodded at the captain, then departed. He didn't speak a word to Kathryn before he left, and she didn't say anything more either. He felt her troubled gaze on him, and he was aware of the question that had gone unasked between them: would she ever come to him with a problem, personal or not? But then, he didn't really need to ask. He already knew the answer.

Throughout their voyage in the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay had never felt as sad and defeated as he did when he turned his back on her and left Sickbay.

The sadness might easily have degenerated into depression if not for Tuvok's timely interruption. Chakotay had barely had time to get comfortable at the desk in his office when the door slid aside to admit the Vulcan.

Chakotay noticed the lieutenant commander's grim expression immediately. Tuvok. You have something to report. It was a statement. Even Tuvok never looked this bleak without a very good reason.

Tuvok nodded. I do, Commander.

A tiny chill knifed through the pit of his stomach. Enunciating each word, Chakotay slowly asked, Is it about what's been happening to the captain?

Tuvok nodded again, his expression growing more somber. It is.

The sensation in his stomach went from a chill to a knot that wound tighter and tighter as the two stared at each other. This was bad. Without asking any further questions, Chakotay could tell just from Tuvok's silence that he wasn't going to like this report one bit. What? he barked, unwilling to wait for the bad news.

Tuvok crossed to the chair in front of Chakotay's desk and took a seat. He studied the data padd he held in his hands, then turned his scrutiny to the commander. Since we last spoke, I have endeavored to conduct my investigation of the latest incident concerning the captain as quietly as possible. My findings proved that my attempted secrecy was the correct course to take. Commander, there is an assassin on board.

Chakotay blinked. The chill started to crawl from his stomach up to him chest. A what? he asked, dumbfounded.

An assassin, Tuvok repeated calmly. I have evidence that supports the theory that someone among the crew is trying to kill Captain Janeway.

Either Tuvok had already had the chance to grow accustomed to this news, or he really didn't have any emotions. He sat across from Chakotay, unmoving, practically unblinking, almost haughty in the disclosure of his discovery.

The commander was too stunned to say anything right away. He sat rooted to his chair, blinking rapidly as his mind barraged him with instant replays of both incidents involving the captain. He again witnessed the horrified expression on her face when the first of her skin gracefully fell from her fingers and floated to the conference room floor. This image flipped quickly to one of her falling through the lavatory door to lay in a heap at his feet, then changed again to the scene in Sickbay where her vital signs continued to drop in ominously steady increments. He saw her flexing her fingers to test the regenerated skin, relived those harrowing moments as the medical team prepped her for surgery, watched her fall backwards through the door, watched her fall through the door, fall through the door.........

And none of this was an accident, as he'd led himself to believe. Somebody had done this... on purpose.

Chakotay stopped blinking. His eyes drilled into the Vulcan. Who! he demanded. It was all he could manage to say.

Tuvok's voice broke a chink into the black haze that was beginning to dominate his mind. Perhaps I should recount my findings, Commander. Chakotay nodded, and the lieutenant commander went on. My first clue that these accidents were not accidents at all came when I overheard the doctor explaining to Lieutenant Paris that the captain had come in contact with benzonyte gas. Are you aware of the properties of benzonyte, Commander?

It was a struggle for Chakotay to call up such scientific information while still fighting off the shock of Tuvok's news, but he was eventually able to recall what he knew. Benzonyte is used primarily for storing unstable properties, such as dilithium. I'm surprised we even have any on board.

Tuvok's brow arched. We most certainly have some on board.

Apparently we do, he continued dryly. And all of it was expelled into the captain's quarters, he added to himself.

I'm surprised that you haven't thought of this before, Commander. You were present in Sickbay during the conversation I mentioned.

Chakotay sent Tuvok a dark look. I was a little preoccupied at the time.

Tuvok nodded, ignoring Chakotay's expression. As you say, Commander. I will continue: with the information gathered from the doctor, I had a theory as to what I was looking for. Instead of going immediately to Captain Janeway's quarters, I called up the schematics of the jefferies tubes. By an extremely roundabout route, and only with proper clearance, it is possible to place a small device programmed to expel a gaseous substance through the ventilation system leading directly into the captain's wash room. I followed the route the computer had mapped out, and after one hour found what I was looking for. Or, at least, what was left of it.

What do you mean?

The device was compact, devised to project a substance in one direction, through the ventilation duct in this case, and made wholly of Starfleet materials. Whoever built this device must have feared discovery as well. A self-destruct mechanism had been installed as an added precaution.

Probably in case it didn't work, Chakotay pointed out, his brain finally kicking in so that he could think again. Then if it was found by accident, it would be hard to trace it back to its creator using DNA residue scans.

That is my theory too, Tuvok said.

Chakotay frowned. But how did it work in the first place? Was it triggered by... well, by what?

From what I could determine - and there was little left of the device on which to test my assumptions - it worked by sound vibration.

Sound?

The noise of Captain Janeway entering the room was likely what set it off. A cough or a footstep, perhaps the sound of running water, are also possibilities.

Chakotay leaned back in his chair, recalling the events of that night. She paused right beside the door to tell me that she wanted honey in her coffee... I don't know if the door was open then or not.

Unlikely, as the gas would have immediately flowed through the door and into her quarters, thus saving her from breathing in such a fatal amount of the substance. I believe the benzonyte was dispensed after the door had closed.

Do you still have the device? Chakotay asked.

Tuvok nodded. Until I am able to ascertain the identity of the assassin, I am keeping it in a stasis chamber that can be accessed only through my authorization.

Chakotay nodded his agreement. Good idea. I'd like to examine it when we're finished here. Tuvok did a quick double take, as if he hadn't anticipated Chakotay's request, though the request was hardly unusual. An unreadable expression crossed the security officer's face. Is something wrong, Tuvok?

Not at all, Commander, but I think it will be beneficial to disclose the rest of my report.

He invited, All right. Go on.

Few crewmembers know of the several uses of benzonyte. The knowledge is contained primarily to the engineering staff, the Science Department, and the senior officers. A handful of other interested parties are also to be expected, but this narrows the field of possible crewmembers considerably. Which leads me to think that this was not a random attack. Whoever did this planned the event, paying attention to such minute details as timing and availability of the benzonyte gas.

But I think you've missed something, Tuvok, Chakotay interjected. You said the gas was released by sound. The Vulcan nodded. If this was an attempt to kill the captain, how could the assassin be sure that it would be Captain Janeway who was the next to use the wash room in her quarters? The victim could have been anybody -

Are you in the habit of using the captain's personal lavatory? Tuvok asked abruptly.

Chakotay's brow furrowed. No. What's that supposed to mean?

Neither am I, Tuvok said. Neither, I would suspect, is anybody else. Very few crewmembers are invited to visit the captain in her quarters. Now that Kes has left the ship, you and I are her only guests, and I am invited only on rare occasions.

The statement ended there, as if by not voicing the number of times Chakotay had entered the captain's sacred domain made the numbers increase exponentially. The insinuation made him feel... dirty. What's your point, Tuvok?

Only that the chances of catching the captain with the gas rather than another crewmember was ninety-nine point five percent.

Chakotay sighed. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Tuvok's eyebrow twitched up. I thought I was illustrating a point. I apologize if I have misjudged in this. He looked convincingly surprised and contrite.

Chakotay wasn't fooled. He had the feeling that this was just another example of Vulcan commentary on the state of his relationship with Kathryn, but he chose not to pursue the subject. It was far more important to hear the rest of Tuvok's information. Okay, you're right. Is there more?

Tuvok nodded sagely. There is, Commander. Upon the discovery of the device placed inside her ventilation system, I began to grow curious. The chances of two unsavory events attacking the captain's health in less than thirty-six hours are as improbable as the possibility of any other crewmember using her lavatory. So I reviewed the information Science gathered on the coffee that caused Captain Janeway to shed her skin so violently.

The doctor decided that was an allergic reaction, Chakotay reminded him.

So he did. And from the information the doctor had available, he made the correct diagnosis.

The Vulcan paused again, making Chakotay think that there was something more to this story. Are you saying that it wasn't allergies?

Tuvok shook his head. I reviewed the data, and came to the same conclusion as the doctor.

Chakotay was becoming puzzled again. But you -

I had some information that neither the doctor nor the science team had.

The way the Vulcan kept pausing after dropping a new tidbit to add to the jumble of clues was beginning to irritate Chakotay. He wished Tuvok wasn't so Vulcan. Spit it out, Lieutenant Commander, he ordered.

A slight look of loss slipped across Tuvok's face, as if he had been enjoying being the detective and Chakotay had cut short his one chance for some intrigue. But he covered quickly. Of course, Commander. Unlike you and I, the doctor and the science team do not know how Captain Janeway takes her coffee. He paused again, then hastily went on at Chakotay's dangerous expression. By that I mean they do not know that she is in the habit of using sugar to sweeten the beverage. When one examines the list of chemicals that Mr. Neelix added to the grinding and percolating process of the coffee, nothing appears dangerous. Certainly there is nothing present that might cause the reaction it did. But when sugar is added to the mixture, a completely new effect takes place - the effect we saw that morning in the conference room.

Chakotay was thinking at a furious pace. The carafe that I used to make that cup for her was tested by Science, and so was the second one from the mess hall. There was no sugar added to either that I know of. But nobody thought to take the cup to be tested... and I was the one who put the sugar in.... His eyes locked with Tuvok's, and he could tell Tuvok was thinking the same thing he was; the ship's first officer had helped in what was possibly an attempt to assassinate the captain. I didn't know - he feebly protested, sick at what he was thinking.

Tuvok gazed at him with a fixed, unrelenting stare. The sugar reacted instantly to one of the chemicals already in the coffee. However, it's curious to note that the second carafe, the one that never left the mess hall, was strangely missing that certain chemical. Had the captain drunk from that carafe, the 'allergic reaction' would never have occurred. The results from testing both carafes is on this data padd, should you care to review the findings.

Chakotay took the padd that Tuvok held out for him, his fingers as numb as his brain. He was still having a hard time accepting that he'd played a part in what had happened to Kathryn. Even though his actions had been conducted unwittingly, it was a blow. He brought his attention back to the conversation with an effort. So what you're saying, then, Tuvok, is that the coffee was actually a first attempt to assassinate the captain.

Yes, that is my guess. It failed due to improper amounts of the chemicals that were added to the coffee. Or another possibility is that this was not an assassination attempt at all, but simply a means of removing the captain from her quarters long enough to install the benzonyte device in the ventilation system. Either way, the desired result is the same.

Somebody on this ship wants Kathryn dead. Chakotay's voice was flat and emotionless as he said the words.

Yes, so it appears.

Chakotay drew in a shaky breath, forcing himself to grasp at what Tuvok was saying. Somebody wanted to kill Kathryn. His Kathryn. The smiling woman that he remembered from New Earth. The captain who had merged two disparate crews into a single unit despite the odds against such a proposition. The unhappy leader who had locked herself in an emotional tower so high that there was no danger of anybody ever breaking through her defenses. There was a person walking the corridors of Voyager right at that moment who was disappointed that the captain had refused to be nice and die as planned.

The idea began to solidify in his mind, and he found that he was starting to believe what Tuvok was saying. Desperate to keep control of himself as he continued to process this information, he focused on whatever his eyes landed on; his hands. He'd spread his hands palm down across the edge of his desk, splaying his fingers wide. He was impressed by the reach that he could attain. He concentrated on his fingers, then focused on the image of his fingers wrapped around the throat of Kathryn's unknown assailant, his grip tightening by degrees, his fingers throttling -

He banished the thought with an enormous amount of will power. Which brings us to the next question, doesn't it, Tuvok? he said, his voice equally as controlled. Who?

The Vulcan's eyes slipped uncharacteristically to his lap, as if he didn't want to examine this question too closely. Yes, it does, he said, resolutely continuing in spite of his own reluctance. As I said, whoever planted the gas device inside the captain's ventilation system did so using the jefferies tubes, a course which needed proper clearance. In this case, high clearance.

Clearance codes can be obtained by hacking the computer system, Chakotay pointed out.

That is true. I checked the computer logs and found no indication of tampering.

Tampering can be covered up.

Also true.

Tuvok, Chakotay interrupted. He leaned forward in his chair and stared hard at the officer seated across from him. You're making it sound like you don't think anybody hacked the computer, that they didn't need access to the codes... because they already had access to the codes.

That is correct.

Chakotay blanched. He licked suddenly dry lips, his gaze locked with Tuvok's. He quietly said, Then whoever did this would have to be either a crewmember with exceptionally high security clearance... or a senior officer.

Tuvok didn't say anything. Once again his silence said more than simple words.

Which meant that the head of security was under the impression that a member of the senior staff was in the process of assassinating their own captain. It could only be one of eight people: Harry, Tom Paris, Mr. Neelix, Lieutenant Torres, the doctor, Tuvok himself, or....

You think it's me, Chakotay said. His voice sounded strange in his ears, tinny and high pitched, nervous, perhaps a bit frightened... as if he had something to hide. He had gone numb again, and he watched, amazed, as his vision tunneled down to center on Tuvok. Tuvok, for his part, continued to sit quite still and calmly stare back at him. It was the calm that finally got to him.

Chakotay laughed.

Tuvok's eyebrows shot upward in the universally acknowledged expression of Vulcan surprise. This is not exactly the reaction I anticipated, he said, his voice indicating that he thought Chakotay's behavior was entirely inappropriate.

Chakotay gasped for breath. No! I don't suppose it is!

Tuvok was quickly growing confused, and confusion always made a Vulcan uncomfortable. Commander, I assure you that my suspicions are in earnest.

And Tuvok did look earnest. Chakotay took a deep breath, doing his best to calm down. The accusation, as ridiculous as it was to him, deserved his attention, if only for the reason that Tuvok seemed to believe it. He stared at the Vulcan, and the desire to laugh vanished. You really are serious.

Tuvok nodded. I am.

Chakotay repeated the allegation. You think I'm trying to kill Kathryn.

One eyebrow rose this time. I believe you are attempting to assassinate the captain, he said, as if the distinction of her office made a difference.

That's the same thing, Tuvok, he explained insistently. The calm that he had attained was rapidly crumbling. The atmosphere in the room took on a cold, unfriendly feel. To Chakotay, the sudden coldness felt like a bad omen.

Tuvok didn't agree or disagree with Chakotay's opinion. Instead, he said, I would like to ask you a few questions, Commander.

Chakotay straightened in his chair. Tuvok, this is absurd.

Tuvok matched Chakotay's posture. The action was undoubtedly an attempt to intimidate him. It worked; Chakotay was suddenly intimidated as hell. I am only trying to ascertain what happened. Now, if you please, where were you on the night of the second attempt before you went to the captain's quarters?

The chill that he'd experienced when Tuvok entered his office came back in full force, exploding in a ball of fear that shot straight through his chest, making his heart ache. He thinks I'm capable of killing her. The idea amazed him. How was it possible for Tuvok to live in such close quarters with him, but still not know him well enough to realize how preposterous his theory was? This thought, as much as any other, scared Chakotay. If this was possible, then anything was possible, even to the point of a senior officer being responsible for these actions against the captain's life.

Please answer the question, Tuvok prompted, bringing Chakotay out of his bemused state.

I was in my quarters, Chakotay said, too stunned by the turn of events to protest further.

What were you doing?

Drawing... is this an interrogation, Tuvok?

Tuvok sighed. I am simply doing my duty. There have been two attempts on the captain's life. I prefer to avoid the possibility of a third. Surely you would wish to cooperate in this investigation.

Unless I have something to hide, he finished for the lieutenant commander. But to do anything except answer the question would appear suspicious. He complied, repeating, I told you I was drawing.

For how long?

An hour, maybe two. Plenty of free time to plant a gas bomb in the bathroom next door, he thought sarcastically to himself.

Was anybody else present in your quarters at the time?

No.

Did you see anybody at all during the two hours prior to the event in question?

No.

Have you shown the drawings to any member of the crew?

No! The answer came out clipped and angry, and he jumped to his feet. I know what you're thinking, Tuvok. It's very convenient that I don't have an alibi for that night. Of course, I could show you the drawings I made, not that you would let a few amateur drawings change your mind, Chakotay said angrily. Knowing what Tuvok had been about to say made him think it might be prudent to predict more details of the Vulcan's possible thoughts. But I don't want you to make any unnecessary efforts. So I'll just take the questions a little further, Tuvok, and save you some time. In fact, let's go back to two days ago, before all this started.

Commander, Tuvok interrupted soothingly, attempting to stop him, realizing that if Chakotay continued in this course, he would have lost control of the conversation. This is hardly necessary -

Chakotay stabbed a finger at the Vulcan across the desk. No, Tuvok. You wanted an interrogation, and you're going to get one. His voice had turned hard. You'll want to know about the coffee next. Fine, I'll tell you everything. I met Neelix in the corridor outside the mess hall. We talked about how excited Kathryn was going to be to get fresh coffee for the first time in months. But Neelix was called away by a disaster in the kitchen, leaving the coffee with me. This was my first opportunity to do something to it, to add whatever chemical you claim was part of this carafe and wasn't part of the second. Only I didn't do anything - there wasn't time. The turbolift arrived with Tom and B'Elanna. We joked about the fact that B'Elanna had missed breakfast, but now she would get some coffee, only none of us could even suspect that Kathryn -

You mean Captain Janeway, Tuvok persisted.

Chakotay didn't pause at his interruption. ... was likely to share. In fact, he said, remembering, I even went so far as to tell her that the carafe I was holding in my hands was for the captain only. As if I was trying to protect B'Elanna from being poisoned. That should please the points off your ears, Tuvok.

Tuvok tried to stop him again. Commander Chakotay, I think -

But Chakotay planned to stop only when he was finished. Then I met you on the Bridge. We had a pleasant conversation, if I remember correctly, Chakotay commented, but in a tone of voice so pinched as to belie what he was saying.

You do, Tuvok agreed, looking both irritated and miserable at the same time.

In fact, I recall that we talked about Kathryn's delight -

Captain Janeway's delight -

Chakotay's anger intensified at this second interruption. Kathryn's delight about getting some real coffee. But then I asked you to cover for me in the conference room so that I would have the time to make a cup for her. I went into the captain's ready room... by myself, he was sure to stress, his voice rising as he pressed on, where I had ample opportunity to add any number of dangerous, life threatening chemicals to the coffee in hopes that Kathryn would keel over the minute she took a drink, only I didn't do anything then either! He paused long enough to lean over his desk, his eyes narrowed to tight, angry slits. You know why, Tuvok? Do you want to know why I let such an excellent opportunity slip by? Because I could never kill Kathryn! he ended on a roar.

Tuvok rose and stood placidly, facing Chakotay across the desk. I cannot be certain about you or anybody else on board at this time, he explained, his voice maddeningly calm, as if the vocal explosion he had just witnessed had never happened. What you claim and what you had the opportunity to do are two different things, Commander Chakotay. At this time, I have reason to suspect you by your own admission. I am not, however, in the habit of imprisoning people on the grounds of circumstantial evidence -

Chakotay came around the end of his desk. Tuvok, haven't you been listening to me? I just said -

I am well aware of what you said. The calm was finally beginning to dissolve and Tuvok's voice took on a harsh undertone. If you will take the time to consider this situation from my position, I am sure that you will see the logic to my suspicions. You had ample opportunity to harm Captain Janeway on both occasions in question, he pointed out. As her first officer and friend, she trusts you, so your actions would not arouse her suspicion. And finally, you have the most to gain from her death.

Chakotay practically choked at Tuvok's words. He had the most to gain? Had he heard him correctly? How? he asked on an expelled breath of air. How do I have the most to gain? Please tell me -

At the eventual death of Captain Janeway, you will rise to the rank of captain of Voyager, Tuvok obligingly explained.

Chakotay's blood iced over. Just the thought of having to take command of the ship in such an event made him nauseous, and there Tuvok stood, claiming that he was actively seeking it. Worse yet, Tuvok believed what he was saying. I don't want to be captain, he said, his voice little more than a strangled whisper. Not ever, not if it means Kathryn would be.... His breath started coming in quick bursts and he instinctively launched into a calming meditation ritual. Hands shaking, Chakotay sank slowly onto the sofa in front of the office's viewing ports. I could never kill Kathryn, he repeated hoarsely.

Not even for command of the ship?

No! he exclaimed, horrified, sickened at the thought. I wouldn't... never... I couldn't... I love her, Tuvok. The confession burst out of him, unplanned, a plea for the lieutenant commander to finally believe him.

For the moment, Tuvok was appropriately stunned. He stood firmly in place and stared at Chakotay in complete amazement. He'd never looked less like a Vulcan. Then he cleared his throat, employing the age-old gesture to smooth himself through the awkward moment following the commander's words. When he could, he gathered his wits and, though still uncomfortable, said, As I explained to Neelix, it is not a matter of our affection for the captain; each crewmember harbors some manner of regard for Captain Janeway -

Chakotay was shaking his head, amused despite the situation. He should have predicted that Tuvok might try to explain away any emotional overtures towards the captain; he had always expressed a deep friendship for Kathryn, and he could be very possessive for a Vulcan. No, it's not like that. Though it is, in a way, I guess, but not like you might think, not like Neelix, for example....

Commander, Tuvok said on a sigh. He hated having to deal with confusing Human emotions. Are you sure you know what you're talking about?

I do, Tuvok, but I've never actually discussed this with anyone. I need a moment to figure out how to explain it so that it makes sense. The question made anger and frustration surge in Chakotay again, and he had to be careful not to say anything that could by misconstrued by the security officer. This conversation was still as much an interrogation as a confession. I've loved Kathryn for years, but it wasn't until we were stranded on New Earth that we discussed it... though discussed might be too strong of a word....

Commander, does she know of your feelings towards her?

It was odd how he had gone years without speaking of the secret love he had for the captain, and now two people had asked him this same question in less than twenty-four hours. Yes, she knows. More or less, he added wearily. The long conversation, on top of the meeting with Kathryn that morning in Sickbay had almost used up his energy reserves. He would need a nap before he could take on any more discussions with fellow crewmembers.

Tuvok leaned back on the heels of his boots, suddenly confident that he had the answer to this dilemma. Is it possible that the captain rebuffed your attentions, Commander?

Chakotay's eyes widened. This was a brazen question, particularly considering it came from a Vulcan. Possible? he said mockingly, his brows reaching for his hairline. No, it's not possible. I've never made any overtures towards Kathryn, romantic or otherwise.

Tuvok's brows gathered in a frown. I beg your pardon, but you just said -

I said that she knows, and she does. That was on New Earth, where it was just the two of us, where we didn't have to think about the safety of a ship or have one hundred fifty other people to contend with. On Voyager she's the captain, I'm the first officer; I pledged myself to always serve with her, to be a support when she needs me, but it stops there.

Several years have elapsed since your months on New Earth. That is a great length of time to put such a strain on a command relationship. Have you not spent the years... Tuvok hesitated before speaking his next words. ... pining for what cannot be sanctioned on a starship?

Why was it that every Starfleet officer simply accepted the fact that a relationship with the captain of a ship was an impossibility? Was there some unwritten social rule that warned against such fraternization? Chakotay wondered irritably if the social rules allowed first officers to have a life beyond their jobs or if he should accept the inevitable and become a monk. Of course I haven't been pining! he exclaimed, his irritation seeping through his words. Do you take me for the unrequited lover? Is that how I've acted over the years?

Tuvok considered. No, I would not say that. But for a Human, you are particularly adept at covering your emotions.

I wouldn't want any gossip among the crew to interfere with the captain's command of the ship, he stated derisively.

Tuvok nodded, accepting Chakotay's comment. Nor would I. You have done an excellent job of misleading the crew -

Chakotay insisted, That's not what I've been doing!

Tuvok was not to be stopped. But perhaps you grew tired of waiting for the captain to make a change in your relationship.

Chakotay jumped to his feet again, appalled. Oh, and since I couldn't have her, I figured nobody else should, so I tried to kill her? Tuvok, that's the most hairbrained, stupid.... Have you been playing some of Tom's holonovels lately - you know, the ones where the male lead saves the innocent damsel from the evil, crazy, thwarted ex-boyfriend?

Tuvok regarded the commander with a puzzled expression on his face. Growing weary of such a wait would be a natural Human reaction. I am merely suggesting that perhaps -

Perhaps you're out of line, Lieutenant Commander! Chakotay said, his face tight with anger. My feelings towards Kathryn have nothing to do with what's going on. I'd like to point out that I was the one who happened to pull her out of her wash room, probably saving her life. Or have you conveniently forgotten that, Tuvok? Why would I try to kill her, then turn around the next minute and save her again? That doesn't make sense. He paused, and when Tuvok didn't say anything more, expelled a rush of air and turned away to regain his composure. If he wasn't careful, he would forget that he was still this man's superior officer, and protocol needed to be maintained. Captain Janeway wouldn't want it any other way. Chakotay grimaced at the thought, then ran an agitated hand through his hair before facing the Vulcan again. But I guess none of this makes sense. Not even the fact that you came here to tell me all this. You could have easily stayed quiet. I never would have known. At least, not until it was too late.

I spent a great deal of time debating the wisdom of this decision. But I concluded that as the temporary commander of this vessel, you have the right to know what I had discovered.

You didn't have to discuss your suspicions of me, though, Tuvok.

I wished to... observe your behavior, Tuvok admitted.

Which meant that Tuvok had baited him in order to see if he would confess under pressure. Wonderful. He was acting captain on a ship where he couldn't trust anybody, not even the Vulcan security officer. His only consolation was that, once this was all over, Tuvok would have as hard a job earning Chakotay's trust again as he would have rebuilding Tuvok's trust in him. Chakotay realized that Tuvok had known that when he came into the room, but he had gone ahead with his plan anyway. It was a huge risk to take for someone who wished to maintain the command structure as much as Tuvok did. He must have been very sure that Chakotay was the assassin for him to even attempt it. Chakotay shook his head. At least he had to give him credit for his audacity. I'll, uh, review your information about the science team's report, he said, slowly deciding what to do about ending this interview before either of them did any more damage. I assume you want to keep all this quiet still.

I do.

Good. We agree on something, then. Do you have a guard posted on the captain?

Tuvok shook his head. I do not know which of my security guards to trust at this time. I plan to keep a close watch on them and assign a detail when I am convinced I will not be aiding any future assassination attempts by placing the assassin in such easy reach of the captain. The doctor, however, makes an excellent bodyguard in the interim. I will keep you informed of my decisions.

Chakotay wondered if he would. I appreciate it, he said, masking his thoughts. He really was becoming an expert at emotional subterfuge. He never would have guessed he'd be using it in a situation like this.

I will also take this conversation under advisement, Tuvok said prior to turning towards the door, indicating that for him, at least, the conversation was over.

I have one more question before you leave, Chakotay said, and Tuvok paused on the threshold of the door. How do I know you're not the assassin?

Tuvok stood straight, his hands relaxed at his side, giving the impression of strength, control, and ease of mind. If I were attempting to kill Captain Janeway, she would be dead. That's how you know. He left.

Chakotay sighed into the heavy silence that fell over the room. That entire interview could have gone better, he thought.

He had started to tremble again, and he sank gratefully onto the couch. He still felt numb from Tuvok's report. He didn't know which upset him more, the idea that somebody wanted to kill Kathryn, or that Tuvok thought it was him. Either was enough to set his stomach churning into knots of apprehension. All during his time on Voyager, he never thought anything could be worse than their first few months in the Delta Quadrant when everybody was at each others' throats and mutiny was a definite possibility. Back then, even Chakotay thought that some of the crewmembers had reason enough to want to end Janeway's tenure as captain. But so much time had passed, and they had all been through so much together. That's what made this so much worse, so much more insidious. These acts were not just against Captain Janeway, but against all of them. He might not always agree with Janeway's directives, but he knew that without her, they were lost. Their guidance would be gone, and with it, their chances of ever reaching home.

The stars beyond the viewing ports streaked by as their journey continued, but none of that registered in Chakotay's mind. If he'd taken the time to think about it, he would have been struck by the irony of the symbol; outside the ship were the stars of warp speed blending together in bright hues of blue and yellow, while on the inside of Voyager, somebody was trying to murder the one person who embodied the journey, perhaps killing it as well as the captain if they succeeded.

But Chakotay thought of none of that. Several minutes slipped passed before he was able to bring himself under control again and stop shaking. His first instinct was to go to Sickbay where he could protect Kathryn, but he realized just as quickly that he would be wasting himself as her bodyguard. He could be more use to her from a distance, where he would have the freedom of movement to conduct his own investigation. No matter what course of action Tuvok chose to take, Chakotay at least knew that he wasn't the assassin. Therefore, somebody else had to be, somebody with disturbingly high clearance, a creative mind, and a huge grudge. Chakotay intended to find that person before a third murder attempt might make his investigation moot. He just hoped Tuvok didn't decide to throw him in the brig before he had the chance to discover the assassin's identity.

Spurred on by these thoughts, the commander rose and crossed to his desk. He sat in front of his computer terminal, momentarily unable to decide where to start his search. After silently contemplating his options, he decided that randomly going through the high ranking officers' personal reports and logs would take too much time. It made more sense to start with the victim. Feeling slightly despicable for invading her privacy, he asked the computer to display all entries in the captain's daily schedule for the last month. If he didn't find anything unusual, he would go back two months, then three, four, an entire year if he had to, then he would move on to her personal logs, but he wouldn't stop until he found what he was looking for. He prayed that he would recognize it when he saw it.

He had perused one week's worth of data when the door to his office chimed distractingly. He ignored it, but it chimed again, then once more before he even had the chance to answer it. Whoever wanted in was insistent. He opened his mouth to allow them to enter when the door moved aside on its own and B'Elanna Torres stormed in.

You're here! The computer said you were here, why the hell didn't you answer the door! she shouted without so much as a greeting.

Chakotay gaped at her. She knew his door codes. How did she possibly know his door codes? And if she knew his codes, did that mean she was the.... He shook himself and glared fiercely at her. It's good to know that you're not shy about overriding my door codes, Lieutenant, but I'm a little busy with something important -

This is more important! she interrupted. She stopped the pacing she had launched into the minute she entered his office and leaned over the desk towards him, breathing hard, as if she'd climbed the jefferies tubes to get to his office instead of taking the turbolift. It's the benzonyte! she blurted. Don't you get it? That's not something that can be an accident! I've checked. I've double checked! It isn't possible. There's no way that benzonyte gas could have flooded the captain's quarters unless somebody wanted it to. Chakotay, stop staring at me! Somebody's trying to kill the captain and all you can do is sit there and stare at me with that stupid look on your face? For the love of Kahless, do something!

Chakotay was instantly alert. B'Elanna knew about the assassination attempts. That could mean that she had figured it out on her own, or she had rushed to his office to claim that she had figured it out to cover the fact that she was the one who had perpetrated the crimes in the first place. Not to mention she had just proved she knew his security codes, and if she knew his, how many others did she know? Did all this mean she was the assassin, or was he growing as paranoid as Tuvok? He had to decide which it was, and quickly. If he waited too long to answer her, she might lose her famous temper and tear his arms out of their sockets. He'd seen her attempt it before.

He looked at her closely. B'Elanna was still puffing from her vault into his office, and the way she leaned over the desk gave him the idea that in the next minute she would grab him by the front of his uniform and haul an answer out of him if she had to. This was the B'Elanna he had known for years, the fiercely loyal woman who was willing to fight for something she believed in, who wouldn't let anybody hurt whatever she chose to protect. Based on these observations, Chakotay decided she was not the assassin. He hoped he was right.

He sat back heavily in his chair, wishing that he'd had time for that nap he needed. He was tired. How much do you know? he asked quietly.

It was B'Elanna's turn to gape. What? You already know? She began thinking furiously, and several expressions crossed her face, indicating the conclusions she was drawing. She straightened with a jerk. Your door codes. I just barged in here by... and whoever did this had to.... I didn't do it! It wasn't me! she yelled, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. Chakotay fancied he even saw the ridges on her forehead ripple in agitation.

I didn't think it was, he said, his face lightening so that he almost smiled. Though I would be curious to find out how you know my codes.

His vote of confidence in her dissipated the tension, and B'Elanna fidgeted uncomfortably. I looked them up, she explained as she flipped her hair back from her face in what was intended to be a casual gesture. It made her look trapped instead.

When?

She hesitated. Two days after we started back to the Alpha Quadrant.

Chakotay found himself gaping again. That long? You've known my security codes for years and you never told me?

What was the point of telling you something like that? You would have just changed them, and then I would have had to take all that time hacking through the computer system looking for them again. She sighed and placed her hands on her hips. Look, Chakotay, I'm sorry, but it was for your own good.

Care to explain that theory?

What if something happened to you? Back then I didn't trust Janeway or Tuvok or anybody. Nobody except you, now that I think of it. And if anything happened to you, I wanted to be able to... help. Quickly.

Chakotay sighed, though his glare had returned. I'm glad you finally told me. Now that your assistance is unnecessary, I can change my codes without worrying you.

All right, she agreed, clearly still agitated.

All right, he growled back at her, then went on, Changing my clearance is probably a good idea anyway, considering what's going on.

Now that the subject had been deftly changed back to her reason for being in his office, B'Elanna studied him. You don't look very good.

Chakotay sighed. No, I don't suppose I do. I don't feel great, either.

B'Elanna's expression turned sympathetic and worried. Anything I can do to help?

Thinking of his recent encounter with Tuvok, he snorted a laugh. It's a little late for help, I think. Maybe if you'd arrived about twenty minutes ago....

The lieutenant blanched. What happened? Is she dead?

Chakotay looked up, startled. No. One look at B'Elanna's ashen face and he knew he had to tell her everything. She cared too much; she wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. The captain's fine. She's still safe in Sickbay, at least for now. If I know the doctor, he won't let anything or anybody get near her. Not even me. Which, according to Tuvok, is a good thing.

What...? Wait a minute. Her relief at finding the captain still safe didn't last long. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. What is that supposed to mean?

He pointed to the chair she was standing next to, indicating that she should sit. This might take a few minutes, he said. Then he told her everything that had just happened.

He thinks... what! B'Elanna vacated the chair again and started pacing the length of the room, eight steps to the couch, then eight steps to the wall, then she turned and paced eight steps back to the couch. Each step pounded into the floor as if she was crushing something extremely disgusting beneath the soles of her boots. I don't believe this! Son of a.... She wheeled to face him. Does Tuvok really think that you're capable of killing the captain? she demanded. It was obvious by her scathing tone what she thought of Lieutenant Commander Tuvok's skills of deduction.

Tuvok is a slave to his logic, just like any other Vulcan, replied Chakotay. If you look at this from a logical perspective, it's very possible that I'm guilty. To Tuvok, it's as simple as that.

B'Elanna angrily shook her head, her hair flying across her eyes. But that's... it's just so.... Ugh! She put her hands to her forehead and pounded on her ridges in frustration, much as she'd pounded the floor with her boots. How can he be so smart and so stupid at the same time!

Chakotay shrugged with one shoulder. Maybe he's not stupid. Maybe he's right.

Her hands jerked down to her sides, balling immediately into fists. What are you saying? Chakotay, don't you dare play mind games with me now! He's not right! You would never hurt Captain Janeway. You love her too much!

The minute she spoke, her hands flew up to her mouth like she wished she could take the words back and lock them inside where they belonged. She gazed at Chakotay in horror.

Chakotay only sighed and ran a hand over his eyes. All these years he'd thought he was doing a decent job of hiding his emotional attachment to the captain of the ship. But somehow the doctor knew, B'Elanna knew, and he wondered how many other people were privy to his personal life. Apparently he wasn't as good at covering his feelings as Tuvok thought. He sighed again. Was this day ever going to end? That's pretty much the reaction Tuvok gave when I told him the same thing, he admitted.

B'Elanna was stunned. You told Tuvok?

It was the only way I could convince him that I was telling the truth.

Since she had a basic understanding of Tuvok's own personal feelings towards Janeway, she had an idea of what reaction his statement might have produced. She asked, How did he take it?

He suggested that I'd had enough of being the unrequited lover and was trying to kill Kathryn so nobody else could have her. Or at least, that was the gist of the conversation.

B'Elanna's mouth fell open in disbelief. Her hands curled into tight fists again, clenched hard at her sides. That's even more stupid...! How could he say that? Doesn't he know you're not like that? We've been on this ship together for years! How can he think -

B'Elanna, enough! That doesn't matter, Chakotay cut her off, putting a halt to her astonished anger. What you need to do now is tell me what you know about the benzonyte that's available on board. Who's likely to know about it, how can they get their hands on it, and what type of training does it take to have the knowledge to construct a device like the one in the captain's ventilation system?

B'Elanna's mouth snapped shut. She ran her fingers through her hair in a calming gesture that gave her time to suppress her anger. She stared at him, thinking hard. It's kept in Engineering's storage bay on deck thirteen. There's a security system in place.

Who knows the codes?

Me, Carey, you, the captain, Tuvok... half the ship, it seems like. But anybody can break a security system if they know what they're doing. After all, I got your codes after just two days. Seven of Nine makes breaking codes part of her daily activities.

All right. What about the knowledge to build something like this bomb?

She snorted. I could just give you a list with ninety percent of the crew on it. Anybody from the Maquis could do it. Anybody in Sciences or Engineering. Harry could even do it, if he read a little about it in the ship's computer first. From what you say, it sounds like this device was pretty crude.

Chakotay grunted. I wouldn't exactly know since I haven't seen it, and I doubt Tuvok plans to let me take a look at it now. He paused as an idea formed slowly in his mind. Do you suppose you could get a look at it?

B'Elanna considered. Maybe. I could pretend that I'm helping him with his investigation -

You are helping him with this investigation, he pointed out. As far as I'm concerned, any information we get that might lead us to the assassin is beneficial, no matter who it comes from.

I'll see what I can do, she promised.

Thanks. B'Elanna, I'll owe you for this one. After all, you're aligning yourself with someone who could be a criminal in a few hours, he said wryly.

Chakotay, you're already a criminal, she reminded him with a smile.

I've never been one here, he answered. Chakotay couldn't find the desire to smile in return. The thought that Tuvok suspected him still hurt too much. Ironically, just the accusation made him feel more Maquis than he'd felt since becoming first officer.

Torres looked at him and sighed. She took the chair she had so energetically vacated moments before. What about you, Chakotay?

He indicated the computer on his desk. I'm playing the clandestine sneak by going through the captain's files. There might be a clue in her reports or logs -

B'Elanna shook her head. Her eyes burned with sympathy. No. I mean, are you okay?

Chakotay stared at her, the now familiar chilling sensation creeping over him again. If he wasn't careful to keep himself busy, that feeling threatened to overtake and paralyze him. No, I'm not okay, he answered in an unhappy rasp, and looked away. Twice. It's happened twice already, B'Elanna. His gaze returned to hers, though he wasn't able to hold it for long. I think about what might have.... His voice broke, and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. If I hadn't been in her quarters last night, it would have worked. She'd be dead. And she just asked me over on a whim! Just for dessert. What if... what if I had said no? he asked, horrified.

You didn't she said firmly. You went, and the captain's alive. There's no point in second guessing yourself, Chakotay. This isn't like you.

Of course this isn't like me! I almost became captain of the ship last night, whether I wanted it or not! B'Elanna.... He stopped, sick, and had to force himself to regain control. He ran a hand through his hair again, making it stand even taller. I'm sorry, B'Elanna. At that moment, the stars outside the viewport had more harmony than he could find inside himself.

Cautiously, B'Elanna leaned forward in her chair until she almost touched his hands from across the desk. Chakotay, I know we've never talked about this before, but you might feel better if you do. At his silence, she linked her fingers, her thumbs tapping rapidly together while she regarded him. Is it so bad... between you and the captain?

She expected him to bristle, to get angry, to yell that she should mind her own damned business. His short, brusque laugh wasn't in her expectation inventory. Let me ask you something, B'Elanna, he said rather than giving an answer. If you needed advice, maybe on a personal problem, would you go to the captain?

She was surprised by the question and sudden change of subject. What?

Is the captain somebody you would go to for advice, or just to complain to because you had a bad day? I know you take breaks together -

Occasionally! B'Elanna interjected defensively. It doesn't mean that I'm suddenly her best friend!

Is that a no?

Chakotay, what...?

Just answer the question, Torres.

Well... no, I guess I wouldn't. She's not my first choice, at any rate. She thoughtfully looked at her linked fingers. Captain Janeway's not exactly someone you confide in... she's the captain, after all. I don't want to bother her with... you just don't sit down and have a complaining session with the captain of the ship!

Why not? She's human. She has ears. She can listen as well as anybody else.

B'Elanna hesitated, searching through her feelings on the subject. She doesn't exactly invite anybody to share confidences with her. Maybe Kes did, but she was kind of Janeway's protegée. I just wouldn't feel comfortable unloading onto the captain. She always looks so busy, she ended lamely.

Chakotay nodded absently. He thought again of how Kathryn worked constantly, as if taking a moment to spend time with somebody would somehow constitute defeat. That's what it always came down to with her; either she was pushing ahead, or she had given up. Even if the assassin wasn't able to fulfill the objectives and kill her, Chakotay wondered how much longer she would be able to maintain such a pace. A Human with no human contact might as well be a dead Human. He grimaced, thinking that he wouldn't tell that particular theory to Tuvok.

What do you think? B'Elanna was asking.

Chakotay pursed his lips uncomfortably. She asked me the same thing this morning, and no, I wouldn't go to her either. It was an enlightening moment, he confessed.

I bet, B'Elanna said slowly. Did she say anything?

No. Besides thanking me for the data I brought to Sickbay for her.

B'Elanna's lip curled in amazement. That's all she said? You save her life, and all she can do is ask if you can talk to her or not?

Chakotay sighed and gave her a halfhearted shrug. I was just surprised that she didn't start talking about departmental reports or crew evaluations instead.

B'Elanna stared at her hands, then without looking up again, asked, Chakotay, did you ever think that maybe she's just a... a cold fish? Some people are like that. Vorik for instance... though he's Vulcan... but have you ever thought that she might not have emotions? You know, like those people who are married to their jobs?

Chakotay laughed. Married to the job? Yes, that's Kathryn. But emotionless? No.

How do you know? I'm not blind, Chakotay; I've seen the two of you together, and if there's a spark of anything that remotely relates to an emotional attachment to... not just you, but anybody, I've been blinking each time it's flashed over the years.

I know because of New Earth.

B'Elanna perked up instantly. Like every crewmember, she was rabidly curious about what actually happened to the captain and first officer during their hiatus from the ship. New Earth? She studied Chakotay, trying to judge how much he was willing to tell her. What was it like, just the two of you? she asked carefully.

Not like it is here, he answered readily.

B'Elanna studied him again, suddenly uncomfortable. I don't want to pry, Chakotay. It's none of my business. You've never mentioned it before. That made me think it was either completely awful, or... not. I always thought this was the taboo topic.

Her comment brought an amount of levity to the conversation. Chakotay almost smiled in spite of himself. I know, I know... according to everybody, it never really happened. It's been wiped permanently from the databanks, or it's all just part of my overactive imagination. Kathryn won't talk about it, Tuvok refuses to think of it, but... I remember. The corners of his mouth did lift slightly as he recalled those months. She's a warm, wonderful person, full of emotion. Spontaneous, opinionated, fun to be with.

B'Elanna eyed him in disbelief. Fun? Spontaneous? And full of emotion? Are we talking about Captain Janeway? This doesn't sound like the same person I know.

Chakotay sent her an irritated look. I wouldn't fall in love with someone who wasn't. She's just been so scared of losing control ever since that she can't let herself be that person I remember.

B'Elanna leaned back in her chair. Maybe I should warn you that there are some people on this ship that you wouldn't want to talk to about this.

The gossips? B'Elanna, you and Tuvok have more in common than you think. He sighed irritably. Someone's trying to kill Kathryn. What people know about my feelings is the least of my concerns at this point.

She nodded. Now he sounded more like the Chakotay she knew. It was comforting. You're right. I won't say anything, though, just to save you some trouble. She rose and headed for the door. I'll see what I can find for you.

B'Elanna, he called after her. She turned. Thanks, he said simply. The word seemed inadequate.

Torres grinned her widest Klingon grin. It looked more like a feral snarl. Chakotay, I'll be damned if I'm going to just sit by and watch while somebody tries to kill my captain!

He was able to grin back at her, though his expression was a far more grim version. Me too, he said.

Torres nodded once emphatically then left. The door swished shut on the suddenly solemn quiet of his office. But the silence wasn't so dead and oppressive after his talk with B'Elanna. For the first time that morning, Chakotay felt that the day might not be so awful after all.

Then he discovered the New Home Group in the captain's schedule. Without warning the day suddenly got a whole lot worse.

Chapter 4 || Contents || Chapter 6