The hours following those harrowing events blurred together in a haze to Chakotay. He vaguely recalled letting the doctor examine his broken wrist and his wrenched knee. The memory of Kathryn undergoing a similar examination was dimmer yet. A trip to Sickbay came and went, and the throb of his injuries dulled to more bearable levels. The doctor grumbled about immature officers dallying with lives solely for entertainment purposes, and he scowled fiercely at the captain, unable to contain the comment that a barroom brawl was not exactly the type of healing therapy he had in mind when he released her to her quarters. But the medical officer fixed Chakotay's wrist, or claimed to, and ordered everybody who could walk back to their quarters for mandatory rest. His wrist and knee ached throughout the night, but even that memory was obscure and indefinite. The only thought that remained with him in any amount of detail was what Kathryn had done in that cargo bay.

Chakotay played the scene over and over again in his head, fascinated yet determined to examine the nuances of that incident from every angle, using every motivation he could possibly think of to explain Kathryn's actions. He didn't have much luck curtailing his fascination. He only experienced an overwhelming sense of incredulous amazement as he reached the same conclusion each time; she had offered to trade her command in exchange for his safety. Kathryn was willing to give up everything....

Each time he reached this particular part of the study, Chakotay lost his nerve and tried to convince himself that he had remembered it wrong. He'd spent too many years wanting what he thought he couldn't have to easily believe that all he desired was actually within reach now. So after catching a few minutes of sleep, he'd start over from the beginning, viewing it all from a new angle and utilizing a different set of incentives to excuse the conduct of the captain.

The situation had forced her hand, he told himself. Of course, the situation had forced them all to reveal many truths, and he acknowledged that the captain was no exception. But then he went on to argue that she would have done the same for any member of the crew. Had Tuvok been the one struggling for control of the phaser, she probably would have thrown herself across the floor even more vigorously. Seeing B'Elanna Torres in danger would have brought out the same tense fear in the captain. Yet, she had offered to exchange her command for him. This turned his stomach each time he thought it. He wondered if her actions had simply been motivated by fear; she had been very afraid at the time. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't imagine her doing the same for... anybody. He barely managed to accept those actions on his behalf. With each mental replay of the events, the outcome seemed more incongruous and out of character each time.

He recalled how, the night before, Janeway had told him that it was more important to restore peace to the crew than to keep her in the captain's chair, but at the time he'd thought she was only being generous, that she didn't really mean it. She had even substantiated that theory by refusing to resign under coercion from the New Home Group. Yet just moments later, she did exactly what she had sworn she wouldn't do. It amazed him. He knew what had motivated his endeavor to stop Ensign Ayala from using that hidden phaser; he could never stand by and watch during anyone's attempt to summarily execute Kathryn, no matter the consequences. However, he wasn't sure what could motivate a captain as dedicated as Janeway to do the same for him. He had his hopes, of course, but he knew better than to give in to wishes too quickly.

Still, he hadn't managed to convince himself to believe anything other than the truth by mid morning the following day. At that point, he stopped thinking. It was useless to try to rearrange the facts, he decided. He'd be better off turning his attention to the night's other events. As first officer, it was his duty to deal with the inescapable fallout of those events, and he might as well get started, and thus get it over with, as soon as possible.

Once in his office, thoughts of Kathryn occasionally leaked through his concentration, but he eventually succeeded in ordering himself to administer the disciplinary actions necessary to those involved in the recent ordeal. Eventually, the unpleasantness of his task superseded any other distractions he might have suffered.

Several hours later, Chakotay felt drained. Disciplinary actions always involved making tough, usually harsh decisions, and the nature of this case made it worse than most. Distracting thoughts never helped such matters, but this time he realized that his body was more a traitor to his intentions than his thoughts. He stopped keying commands into his desk computer long enough to move his right hand back and forth, twisting it sideways to stretch the tired muscles. It still ached in spite of his ministrations. Annoyed, he leaned back in his office chair and rubbed his wrist more vigorously than the ache warranted. He had too much work yet to do to be held up by something as insignificant as pain.

He stopped when he realized what he was doing. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he forced himself to admit that, just for a minute, his attitude reminded him of Janeway. Refusing to bow to her body's better judgment was very much in character for Kathryn when she was engrossed in some project, but it was an unusual characteristic for him to take. He grinned wryly now, thinking that after all these years she was finally rubbing off on him. He could only hope that he was doing the same for her.

But then his door chimed, bringing an end to the pleasant train of thoughts. Chakotay's smile faded and he called, Come.

Mr. Tuvok entered, followed by the subject of those recent thoughts. At the sight of Kathryn, Chakotay's smile broadened again before he could stop it, and his heart did a little dance in his chest until he forced it under control. Though he recognized the need for curbing his behavior, at the same time he saw no harm in being happy. They'd had little enough to delight in lately. For now, he allowed himself to be delighted at Janeway's unexpected arrival. But for Tuvok's sake, he tried hard not to show it.

Mr. Tuvok, Captain. What can I do for you?

It was only after he spoke that he noticed the fatigue each of them displayed. Janeway fell rather than sat in one of the chairs facing his desk, and even Tuvok looked tired enough to need a seat. The grim aura that clung to both of them alarmed him as well. Something had happened that he was not yet aware of. What more could possibly go wrong, he wondered in dread. What is it?

Tuvok glanced from Chakotay to Janeway and back before saying, There have been some new... developments.

You could say that, Janeway said, her agreement accompanied by a tired sigh, though one obviously lacking in the anger that had marked her attitude toward the recent upheaval.

Judging from Janeway's response, Chakotay decided these new developments must not be as threatening as the other complications had proven to be. They weren't something that he couldn't wait to hear for another minute or so, at least. Without a word, he rose from his chair and crossed to his replicator. He was aware of both officers watching him curiously as he placed an order, then carefully carried the mug of coffee across the room and handed it silently to Janeway.

This was no delicate china cup containing a few swallows of coffee. He'd used his rations to create an industrial sized mug of a strong, black beverage sure to rejuvenate even the most exhausted of commanding officers. Startled at first, Janeway recovered enough to take the offering with both hands, her gratitude clear in her expression as she sighed again and looked up at him, her heart in her eyes. Thank you, Chakotay.

He nodded, and awarded her again with a small half smile. Then, the action completely unplanned, he laid his warm hand briefly along the back of her neck. His fingers brushed her skin exposed above the gray of her turtleneck, lightly massaging the knots of anxiety that lay underneath. The gesture was a gentle reminder that he was there when she needed him, just as she'd been there for him the night before. Nevertheless, he felt her stiffen under his touch. But this time he refused to retreat as he had in Sickbay, over two days ago. Instead he lowered his hand to rub twice across her back, letting her know that, in spite of her reaction, he was still there and he didn't plan to go away just because he might be offending some obscure Starfleet conventions or fraternization protocol. As quickly as she had automatically tensed, now she once again relaxed, her shoulders slumping comfortably forward under his hand, her sigh just as grateful as the previous one had been. It was as if she found it a relief to finally give in.

Whatever the reasoning, Chakotay felt himself relax along with the captain. The entire procedure, from replicating the coffee to regaining his chair behind his desk, only took a minute or two, but he felt like he'd just been graced an hour long nap. If I'd known it was going to be this easy, I would have persisted years ago, he thought in rueful amusement, and couldn't stop his smile. The gesture disappeared when he glanced at Tuvok.

The Vulcan was sitting straight in his chair, his expression not quite disapproving, but not quite anything else either. His damned eyebrow was reaching for his hairline, as if he wanted to say something but, unlike his companions, he wouldn't give in to his impulses. As usual, his gesture was meant to speak the words he would not.

Chakotay purposely misunderstood. I'm sorry, Tuvok, I wasn't thinking... would you like some coffee as well?

The security officer eyed Chakotay in distrust. He wasn't fooled by the commander's offer, but, for the captain's sake, pretended that he was. No, thank you, Commander. I am not in need of a chemical boost at this time. His voice was too polite, even for a Vulcan.

Janeway calmly sipped her coffee and alternately glared at each man over the rim of her mug. She suddenly felt like the object of a male tug-of-war. Gentlemen, whatever's going on between you two, please resolve it later. We have a lot to discuss right now.

Chakotay laughed, taking Tuvok by surprise once again with his inappropriate responses. Feeling benevolent, he said, Truce, Tuvok. To his own surprise, he found that he meant the words. All of a sudden he was tired of fights and arguments and disagreements. He would be getting enough of that from the rest of the crew over the course of the next few days. The command staff didn't need to add to the discord. And if nothing else, he had Tuvok's knack for making unwarranted accusations to thank for pushing him into the fight with Kathryn that had been the unforeseen turning point in their relationship. For that, he would forgive the lieutenant commander practically any offense. Slander certainly seemed unimportant by comparison.

Both of Tuvok's brows rose this time. As you wish, Commander. Though I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my most recent examples of `bad timing.'

Tuvok sounded sincere, but then, all Vulcans sounded that way to Chakotay. He wasn't as adept as Janeway at reading Vulcan speech nuances. But he preferred to give Tuvok the benefit of the doubt; despite feeling better than he had before their arrival, he was simply too tired to do anything else. Apology accepted, Tuvok. He sat back to take in both Tuvok and Janeway again. So, what's this latest disaster?

Captain Janeway lost the puzzled expression that had appeared at her fellow officers' enigmatic conversation and happily let Chakotay move them all into safer, less embarrassing territory. She straightened in the chair, but kept her hands wrapped tightly around the mug of coffee Chakotay had given her. After taking another thankful sip, she said, We've had a busy morning.

Tuvok nodded, and dryly said, That is an understatement, Captain. Then he turned to the commander for a full report. Over the last few hours, it has become clear to us that we have yet to uncover the complete facts behind the attacks on the captain's life or the group of individuals we thought responsible for them.

Chakotay couldn't help but notice the officer's words. Tuvok was too precise to misuse a phrase the way the others on the senior staff might. What do you mean by the ones we thought were responsible?

Janeway interrupted. Carey didn't do it.

Chakotay leaned forward just a bit in his chair, as if in order to hear better. What? he asked, flabbergasted.

Tuvok took up the story again, repeating for the commander's benefit, Lieutenant Carey is not responsible for the assassination attempts on Captain Janeway.

Chakotay leaned back in his chair now, indicating that he needed the extra space to properly think through this news. That's not what I heard. What about the coffee.... His voice trailed off and he couldn't stop himself from glancing at the huge mug contained in the captain's hands.

She looked at it too. Oh, well, he did that, just like he told you, although he said he secretly substituted a much smaller dosage of the chemical than they had predicted would kill me. Thank goodness, she added as an afterthought, still gazing into the blackness of her coffee. That blackness might have been her reality now if not for the quick thinking of a confused lieutenant.

Chakotay watched them both, unsure if he ought to credit such a claim. Carey hadn't mentioned these details when he spoke to Chakotay the day before. Of course, time had been limited, and the lieutenant might have abridged the story to speed things along. Still.... Do you believe him?

Janeway sighed, her exhaustion evident again. Yes and no. I think I want to believe him because of my own personal bias; I want him to remain the decent fellow I know he is, and in my mind, decent still epitomizes the necessary characteristics of a Starfleet officer. On the other hand, he could be far from decent and be making all this up just to save his filthy rear. She sighed again, frustration unmistakably behind this expression.

However, Tuvok continued to explain, the doctor corroborated the amounts of the chemical that Carey cited, both what he was supposed to add to Neelix's coffee and what he claims he did add, declaring that the outcome was consistent with his predicted expectations.

But that only proves what happened, not what motivated Carey, Chakotay objected. Neither Tuvok nor Janeway made further comments about that fact, which meant that they had considered the same objections. Chakotay rubbed his chin, not liking this new development, but not knowing what he could do about it either. It was an unusual response for him, but he found he wanted someone to blame for this mess. Though he had said just the opposite to the crew the night before, and he really did believe what he had said, right now he wanted someone to conveniently take responsibility for the attacks on Kathryn, so that he could just as conveniently make sure that person was put off the ship, thus eliminating the worry of this ever happening again. What about Carey's knowledge of the transporters? Did he say anything about how they rerouted through Seven's alcove?

He did, Tuvok imparted solemnly. He said he and some of the others were talking about such a theory -

Others, as in New Home Group members? the commander asked for clarification.

Tuvok looked annoyed at being interrupted, but explained in more detail, No, others as in the general crew. To continue: and he shot a glance at Chakotay to make sure he would not be interrupted again. Chakotay smiled. Carey as well as other crewmembers had postulated the theoretical rerouting of the transporters through the cargo bay, utilizing Seven of Nine's more sophisticated Borg relays, but he declared his innocence in using this theory to transport the benzonyte into the captain's ventilation shaft, though he did admit that he was the one who transported you to the cargo bay, Commander, in place of his intended target, Captain Janeway.

They just wanted to talk to me, Janeway affirmed, the slight edge to her voice lending both men the idea that she wasn't wholly convinced of this claim, either, but was unable to disprove it, and therefore had to give some credence to it. After all, they had talked during the meeting in the cargo bay. She couldn't argue with that.

Chakotay was inclined to agree with her. Where's Carey now? he asked.

Janeway answered glibly. In the brig, currently solving the computer algorithm for the transporter buffer matrix problem.

Proving his usefulness, Chakotay amended for her. She nodded reluctant agreement to his assessment.

Tuvok also agreed. Such usefulness, as you say, Commander, would help convince us not to... He paused.

Not to boot him out the nearest airlock at the first opportunity? Chakotay finished, voicing what the Vulcan hesitated to say.

Tuvok appeared relieved that he didn't have to be the one to say it. Yes, Commander, that is my thought exactly.

So what does that make him, the commander idly wondered, a criminal, an accomplice, a leader by seniority, an unwilling victim, or a hero?

The captain contemplated her coffee and in mock cheerfulness guessed, All of the above? She went on to say, And what does all this theorizing make Lauren Carr?

A misguided, frightened, expectant mother? Chakotay asked.

A criminal bent on ending the captain's life, Tuvok stated. To him, it was not a question.

Both, maybe? the captain guessed again. Whatever the case, it may not matter for Lauren, not if she loses the baby.

Chakotay let out a sigh of his own at Janeway's pause. He was beginning to suspect that she liked to draw out certain dramas as much as Tuvok. What happened?

The captain shrugged. After all the excitement last night, she went into false labor. She's still in Sickbay so the doctor can monitor her and the baby.

When she didn't continue, and the look on her face made him think she didn't care enough just then to explain further, Chakotay pumped her for more information. Does Joe know about all this?

Why do you think he's so intent on that algorithm? Janeway asked, answering his question. She then went on to predict his next comment, saying rhetorically, But would you let him out of the brig to be with her under these circumstances?

A thought flashed through Chakotay's mind, prompted by the captain's query: would he want to be by her side if she was in the same predicament? Of course he would, but he didn't see himself ever being in Carey's current predicament, so the question might be pointless.

The mental exercise, however pointless it might seem, wasn't entirely wasted. As his mind turned back to Carey, Chakotay jerked up and suddenly thought to ask, But if Carey didn't try to kill the captain with the benzonyte, who did?

Tuvok glanced uneasily at Janeway. Janeway sighed and, after another shrug towards her security officer, turned to Chakotay. This is the part of the conversation that you're not going to like, she said.

Chakotay gave her a pained smile. I don't care. Tell me anyway.

While Janeway flashed a look at the commander indicating that she had suspected he would reply in such a manner, Tuvok responded, oblivious to the inside joke his fellow officers were sharing. We know from recently uncovered information that the person who procured the chemicals for the coffee, stole the benzonyte from the Engineering bay, built the bomb, and transported it to the captain's ventilation shaft is Lieutenant J.G. Trinson Walsh.

Walsh? Chakotay repeated dumbly. He never would have anticipated the lieutenant's participation. Have you talked to him about this?

The captain took up the narrative again. In a flat, dispassionate voice, she imparted, We'd love to. But unfortunately, Lieutenant Walsh is dead.

Chakotay was silent for a moment as that news sank in. He hadn't known Walsh well. He'd been a quiet, unassuming man, much like the Ensign Chell of the past. It was true that he had been outspoken during the meeting the night before, but being outspoken did not prove the man capable of such diabolical behavior as he was now accused. Trin's comments, specifically those about the captain, were observant and accurate even if they were also uncharacteristic,; that man knew more about the crew just by staying in the background and listening than anybody suspected. But to murder the captain? It didn't make sense. However, it did sound mighty convenient, especially since they certainly couldn't stroll down to Sickbay and ask for his side of the story.

You said he planned everything? Chakotay asked, and Tuvok nodded sagely. He did it all, completely by himself? Tuvok nodded again. And nobody else knew about any of it? Tuvok shook his head this time. That's ridiculous, Chakotay stated. Of course they knew. It sounds more like the Group chose a scapegoat and he made an easy target. Janeway and Tuvok just looked at him, agreeing but silent. What more could they say? How did he die?

Captain Janeway moved restlessly in her chair, unhappy with these events and helpless to change them. He took the brunt of a lot of people's anger during the fight. The doctor had him stabilized in Sickbay, but then.... We don't know if Lauren came in or what happened, but while the doctor was busy with other patients, Walsh went into some kind of seizure, and before anybody could do anything, he was dead. That was it. Cause of death unknown. Tom told us about it early this morning. Still upset, Janeway set her coffee mug on the commander's desk with a thump, then stared moodily out his observation windows. The captain hated to lose a crewmember, even one suspected of criminal offenses.

Chakotay looked to Tuvok. Was he murdered?

It's possible, Commander. But right now I believe anything is possible. If he is the victim of murder, I have no leads, no suspects, and no theories, and it would be useless for me to question the remaining Group members.

If it's a cover-up, they won't say anything, Chakotay agreed.

Another possibility is that he was killed by a Starfleet crewmember as a way to protect against further attempts to kill the captain. If so, it is my guess we will hear nothing to support that theory either.

Janeway's attention returned to the conversation, though she continued to stare unseeing out the windows. And if nobody says anything, there's no reason to investigate an unfortunate though perfectly natural death. Now she turned her gaze to Chakotay again. It's all very clean and convenient if you ask me. I don't like it.

I don't either, Chakotay said, but there's nothing we can do unless the doctor discovers something unusual -

He performed an autopsy at his earliest opportunity and found nothing, Tuvok interrupted. Severe cardiovascular collapse is the only reason he can give for the lieutenant's death.

Damn, Chakotay whispered. He tapped his fingers on his desk in rapid agitation. After a moment he stopped. I suggest we give him a state honored memorial service anyway. Whatever happened, he'd been a good crewmember up to this point.

Agreed, Janeway said, and retrieved her coffee, happier now that some course of action had been decided. But she still didn't relax back into her chair or take another sip from the mug.

I will take care of the details, Tuvok unexpectedly volunteered. When they looked at him in surprise, he said, Lieutenant Walsh was a member of my security team. It is my responsibility and honor to make arrangements for his last rights.

Crew memorial services generally fell under Chakotay's duties. Janeway scrutinized the Vulcan, searching for ulterior motives to account for his sudden solicitude, but could only say, Very well, Tuvok. I know you'll do a fine job.

Thank you, Captain. When everything is arranged, I will make an official announcement to the crew.

Excellent. As long as Chakotay doesn't mind. Her eyes slid to examine the first officer.

Chakotay shook his head. Planning a memorial service was not on his list of high priority activities just then. He needed to talk to Kathryn, at length, uninterrupted, and soon before they both let duties trap them into their old routine of hiding and avoiding each other. He feared that one setback now, even a minor one, could ruin everything they had gained, given the appropriate opportunity. He wasn't about to let anything propel them back into that quagmire of regulations, protocol, and rank that had typified their relationship to the present. If Tuvok wanted to take on extra duties, hence giving him more time to talk to Kathryn, Chakotay wouldn't dissuade him.

Janeway spoke again, and Chakotay had to readjust his attention from thinking about her to listening to her. The reality of that made him smile at himself in amusement. I think it would be a good idea for Chakotay to give us both a quick run-down on his morning activities before you begin preparations, Tuvok. She glanced at the commander. I assume you've been doing damage control, she said dryly. It was a little late to try to control anything, damage or otherwise.

He chuckled at her attempt at humor. I don't know if you can call it control, but I'm letting the crew hear my opinions, that's certain. And I can sure use some input about now. He flipped his computer monitor around so that she and Tuvok could look through his progress if they desired. There's obviously nothing that we can officially do about what's been happening recently except to slap a few wrists and say don't do that again. The New Home Group members had a 'lapse in good judgment,' according to Starfleet behavioral guidelines -

A lapse in good judgment, Janeway repeated, her brow furrowed skeptically and her nose wrinkled as if she smelled something unpleasant. That's very correct, very politically inoffensive.

Chakotay grinned in agreement. It may be ridiculous, but the only thing the Group is guilty of is failure to follow procedure in filing a complaint. It's not enough reason to take drastic disciplinary action, especially since we can't prove who did what, now that nobody's talking.

Tuvok nodded. You are correct, Commander.

Janeway stared down into the dregs of her coffee, watching it slowly slosh back and forth in the bottom of her mug as she slyly commented, It's a pity Starfleet doesn't hold with torture. A wicked grin split her features, adding a light to her eyes and removing the exhaustion just for a second.

Noting the sudden sparkle in her manner, Tuvok mischievously responded, If you feel it is appropriate, Captain, I will conduct a series of interviews with the induction of torture in mind. Though I feel I must point out that torture has never proven an efficient method of punishment or obtaining information, I am more than willing -

I was joking, Tuvok, she quickly explained with an alarmed look.

As was I, Captain. Tuvok then gave her a bemused look, as if he had expected her to understand his dry wit just as he understood hers. Though I have yet to fully appreciate all forms of humor, I believe I have a sufficient grasp of yours. Perhaps I am wrong. I will study further on this subject. I apologize for the interruption, Commander. Please continue.

Chakotay nodded, fighting back his own grin again. Don't let it worry you, Tuvok, he said helpfully. Kathryn never understands a decent joke. He didn't glance at her to see if she was sending him a sour look or not. I'll start with the good news and go from there. B'Elanna left a message this morning to inform us that Vorik unexpectedly fixed the antimatter containment grid last night. She stated that it's safe now for us to proceed to warp seven for extended periods of time. I ordered the increase at oh eight-thirty. So that's one less thing to worry about. He glanced up. While we're on the subject of Lieutenant Torres, I'd like to recommend a commendation. Over the course of the last few days she showed extraordinary amounts of courage, loyalty, and common sense. I don't think I could have done as much containment as I did without her help. She had even conspired with the doctor to have the cargo bay flooded with anesthetizing gas in case the meeting last night went out of control.

Janeway's brows rose at this comment. That was very farsighted of Lieutenant Torres, but what's her definition of 'out of control?' Can I ask what she was waiting for?

She said she didn't want to knock us all out until she was certain that nothing else would stop us. He shrugged. She knew we couldn't solve anything if we were all unconscious.

That is true, Tuvok said. His tone made it almost sound like a reluctant compliment.

The captain nodded. You're right, of course. B'Elanna did exercise tremendous restraint... for her, at least. I concur with your request for commendation, Commander. Her tone and words had turned formal with the more traditional and pleasant duties associated to her rank.

Chakotay nodded and smiled. Thank you, Captain. I'll inform her of your decision later today. She nodded as well, and he continued. If Carey manages to solve that transporter problem, I think the ship at least will be set. And speaking of Carey.... He let his voice thoughtfully trail off. I've been debating what action to take with him all morning. Now I'm wondering if your news of these latest developments should alter my decision... but I don't think it will. The lieutenant did almost incite a mutiny, whether that was his intention or not. I recommend that he remain on the Engineering team where his talents are still the most useful and B'Elanna can keep an eye on him, but that he be reduced in rank to ensign, with all the restrictions pertaining thereto.

Tuvok looked doubtful. Considering his recent actions, that hardly seems a harsh punishment, Commander.

It will seem plenty harsh when he tries to access the Engineering systems and suddenly can't, Chakotay assured him. Whatever the feelings of the other Group members, Joe is still Starfleet -

Or at least that's what he appears to be, Janeway amended.

Chakotay nodded. Granted. We may never really know what's motivating his actions, but for now, I think it's an appropriate response. If it doesn't seem to affect him after a month or so, I'll rethink his situation accordingly.

The captain leaned back in her chair, looking tired again, and pained, as if she saw the necessity of their discussion, but wished it was over with. Agreed, she said quickly and plunged on. Who's next?

Lauren Carr. A reduction in rank would be meaningless to her. Part of me wants to confine her to quarters. Another part of me wants to get her off the ship entirely, but that's out of the question due to her pregnancy.

Tuvok broke in. Isolating her from the crew might be beneficial.

Chakotay agreed. It would certainly keep her from causing more trouble.

That wicked glint was back, shining in Janeway's eyes. I say we strip her of rank, confine her to quarters, enact mandatory counseling, and give her to Seven of Nine.

Her suggestion surprised Chakotay. Give her to Seven? What are you talking about?

The glint transformed into a subtle smile of impish enjoyment. Carr's love is science. Seven's love is technology. Carr hates everything pertaining to authority. Seven is about as authoritative as a lesser officer can possibly be, but she's learning to curb her natural commanding attitude and work as part of the team. It's possible she can help Lauren learn to do the same. If not, the sparks will fly and they'll drive each other crazy, but they won't bother anybody else on board. Tuvok and the commander were obviously considering her idea, though both appeared unconvinced, and she went on, Besides, Lauren thinks Seven is a victim of my exuberance, and Seven thinks Lauren is a supporter of chaos. They can work at converting each other for the rest of the voyage. Carr's pregnancy may help Seven progress in her understanding of humanity, which in turn might help Carr if she sees that she has an impact on another person. She paused at the two men's doubtful expressions. She retaliated, If nothing else, between the two of them, they should manage to boost the efficiency of the astrometrics lab, and that is far more beneficial to the ship as a whole than leaving a crewmember to stew by herself in her quarters for the next fifty years.

Tuvok shook his head. I hesitate to allow Ms. Carr access to any portion of the ship or you, Captain. Giving her free reign to carry out experiments is also the barest definition of punishment.

Reintegration is more important than punishment, Tuvok, she argued. Assigning Seven as her personal guard should be sufficient to keep her under control... and me safe should Carr decide to embark on another anti-Starfleet rampage. Every ounce of persuasion she could call on went in to her tone to convince the officers.

Tuvok still looked prepared to argue, but Chakotay was watching the captain. This is that important to you? he asked, startling Tuvok with such a personal request during a punishment pow wow.

Janeway considered carefully. Yes, it is, Chakotay. If we turn our backs on Lauren now out of convenience, what might we be tempted to do for a far worse offense later on? The message we project has to be that every crewmember is important, not just the ones who behave properly. As you said last night, it's a matter of respect.

Chakotay contemplated her proposal. It was a positive, not to mention tidy, answer to the problem of how to handle Ensign Carr. And he certainly didn't have any other solutions to offer. What you say makes sense. He thought for another moment, visualizing Lauren Carr and Seven of Nine tearing at each other's throats, and with a hint of satisfaction, decided to give it a try. All right. Once again, if the arrangement doesn't work out, we can re-evaluate. I suggest that I do the counseling in this case; for whatever reason, Lauren trusts me, or at least she doesn't hate me. I think I can work with her.

Janeway nodded. I think you're right. And Tuvok, you should handle Mr. Carey's counseling. You're good at sparking loyalty in an otherwise indifferent officer.

Mr. Tuvok nodded acquiescence. I have had success with similar cases in the past. Mr. Carey's behavior indicates his loyalties are divided between his duty to this ship and his duty to his new family. I will endeavor to help him reconcile these opposing views.

Good. Janeway moved restlessly in her chair again, indicating her weariness once more. Next -

Chakotay interrupted in an attempt to finish this unpleasant duty. Sue Henderson. She left a message for me as well, one indicative of her present state of mind. He pulled up the appropriate file on his computer and read, 'This is my home, not the damn military! I'm not living the rest of my life taking orders from people I don't even like -' He stopped to glance up at Tuvok. You're her supervisor, Tuvok. She must be talking about you.

Tuvok's brow rose in an expression that was at first surprised, then amused. I admit that sounds like something Ensign Henderson would say. She has always been blunt. I appreciate her habit of avoiding time-consuming niceties.

Blunt is the word, Chakotay concurred with a grin. He went on reading. 'I want to do something besides watch and wait for somebody to make a stupid mistake. I'd rather be a reporter!' He glanced up again. With this in mind, I put her on report, assigned two hundred hours of service aboard ship, and I want to talk to Neelix about utilizing her watchful talents as a reporter for his broadcasts. He may not take to the idea, but it's a start, and it's a positive one.

Janeway nodded. Good idea.

The commander noted her approval in his computer, then hurried on. Besides being confined to the brig, Ensign Ayala has been reduced in rank to crewman second class and removed from the security team. He has too much physical power and strength for me to feel comfortable about leaving him in security. I would like to assign him to -

General maintenance, Janeway interrupted, a pleased expression on her face. When she glanced up to see Chakotay's surprised look, she said, I get a good deal of satisfaction thinking about him on his knees, scrubbing lift inducers and grid boxes.

Or cleaning the ventilation system in the kitchen, the commander suggested with a subtly nasty smile. Neelix would be pleased at that new duty assignment. He nodded. It gave me a nice sense of satisfaction when I thought of it, too. I suggest part-time duty rotation in maintenance, and part-time in aeroponics. He can keep the food secure all he wants. At her nod, he logged the change into his computer and went on. I think general service hours are enough of an attitude adjustment inducer for the rest of the Group members involved. We can go over the specific hours if you like -

I leave it to your discretion, Commander, Janeway said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

As you say, Captain. The Commander noted that on his computer as well, then pushed the instrument aside. After a pause to gather his courage, he took a deep breath and suddenly stated, This brings me to you.

Nothing he might have said could have surprised the captain more. It stunned some of the tiredness out of her carriage and she sat straighter in her chair. Me? she blurted.

Chakotay nodded reluctantly. Of all the decisions he had spent the morning wrestling with, this one had been the hardest. Could, and should, the captain of the ship be subject to disciplinary action as part of the working crew? If not, why not, and if yes, how was the discipline to be enacted and enforced, and by whom? And most importantly, would he risk alienating Kathryn if he chose to pull rank and slap her down for her numerous transgressions while dealing with the New Home Group? He hadn't come to any decisions by the time she and Tuvok interrupted his meditations, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to bring it up at all until the words popped out of his mouth almost without his consent. But now that he had mentioned it, he had to follow it through.

He sat back, and his chair groaned in sympathy with him. He wondered why he couldn't just keep his big mouth shut. If you'd like, we can discuss this later. You're tired, I'm tired, and frankly, this may not be a good time-

For what? she gently interrupted, amused at his discomfort though she understood the need for seriousness. For reading me the riot act? For outlining your plan to dress me down in front of the crew? She paused, and the humor left her voice. For disciplining the captain of the ship? she went on quietly.

Unhappy, Chakotay nodded anyway.

Mirroring Chakotay's tense posture, she pushed herself back against the cushions of her chair as if she wanted nothing more than to escape. After a moment of indulging this fight-or-flight behavior, she stopped and forcibly relaxed again. Then she looked him directly in the eye and, visibly bracing herself, said, Don't protect me, Chakotay.

Her words brought a snort from him. I wasn't protecting you, he exclaimed in an undignified manner, I was protecting myself!

For a moment she just gaped at his honesty. Then she burst out laughing. Is this another example of the charm you used to bring the Group around to your way of thinking last night?

Chakotay chuckled, embarrassed at his outburst. No. I'm being far more charming now, he jokingly assured her.

I can tell, she teased back. Once they had subsided, and the tenseness had dissipated, she more easily broached the subject again. What did you have in mind, Commander? An almost unreadable, forgiving expression lifted her features.

Chakotay propped his elbows on his desktop to support his chin on his laced fingers. He sighed. I've been debating this question even more than the Carey question.

Janeway's expression turned understanding. But before she could reassure him, Tuvok spoke.

Your reaction is understandable, Commander, he said in his stilted Vulcan style. It is never easy to call attention to a superior's faults. However, the immediate nature of this situation prevents the luxury of a long process drawn out through proper Starfleet disciplinary procedures. The captain did indeed err in her judgments of, and dealings with, a dissatisfied, unhappy faction of the crew. Keeping the situation to herself was a failure in Voyager's crew policies if not in Starfleet's policies. Deleting all records of the Group's existence and their exchanges with her is, however, a direct violation of Starfleet regulations. Discipline of some sort is a perfectly acceptable response given the situation, Commander. With a nod, he finished and lapsed into an unconcerned silence. Tuvok rarely grew concerned about the truth; he more often dealt with those who tried to hide it. Captain Janeway, he knew, would not hide.

Spoken like a true Vulcan, Tuvok, Janeway complimented at once, tolerantly amused. But didn't you forget to mention how I neglected to fill you in even after Chakotay knew what was going on?

Without missing a beat, Tuvok responded, I did, but only because I plan to discuss that aspect of your conduct with you at a later opportunity. There is no point in taking up more of the commander's time than is necessary, and I was fairly certain that you would wish to undergo such an interview without an audience.

Sufficiently chastised in spite of the lieutenant commander's assurances that the real scene would take place later, Janeway lost her amused expression. I look forward to it, she lied.

As do I, Tuvok promised, his voice carefully bland. He wasn't fooling anybody; he really was looking forward to it. Commander, what did you have in mind? he repeated Janeway's question.

Chakotay took the opening that Tuvok had conveniently presented, grateful to the Vulcan for stating Janeway's mistakes aloud so that he wouldn't have to. He would have to bow down and thank Mr. Tuvok later. He turned back to Janeway, hesitated, then plunged on, Captain, I put you on report for failure to follow procedure and for tampering with ship's records. The notice will be posted in the ship's logs as well as in your personnel file. As the ship's logs can be accessed by any crewmember, you can consider it public... he searched for the right word, ... commentary. Everything we've talked about today will also be available for crew review, so you won't be alone. I would also like to suggest that you be assigned an adviser -

An adviser? she questioned. She sounded doubtful and reluctant, exactly as he expected she would.

Chakotay sighed. He was not enjoying this at all. Your people skills aren't quite what they could be, he honestly pointed out. You made several mistakes last night during the meeting. Now, I know it was a tense situation, he hurried to continue, hating that look of self-condemnation and regret on her face, and you did your best, probably as well as any commanding officer could have done. My aim isn't to magically fix anybody's oversights, but to help you create a more open environment between you and the crew.

Janeway sent him an enduring smile, interrupting his unnecessary attempts at persuasion. If this was truly a punishment like she believed it was, he didn't need her permission to carry it out. Who did you have in mind? she asked.

Neelix.

Neelix! she exclaimed, her eyes suddenly wide. She had anticipated perhaps Sam Wildman, who got on well with a large portion of the crew. Or maybe Harry Kim, whose shy ways made him a favorite of everybody. But... the Talaxian? Are you serious?

Absolutely. In fact, I've already spoken to him on the subject. He's very enthusiastic.

I'll bet he is, Janeway groaned dryly and put her head in her hands. Just as quickly she looked up again. His enthusiasm may kill me. Are you prepared for that possibility?

Chakotay leaned across his desk, matching her position and tone, refusing to be put off by her. Yes, and between now and your death-by-enthusiasm, he can help you form substantial relationships with more crewmembers than you can claim to enjoy at the present.

He has a point, Captain, Tuvok interjected thoughtfully.

Janeway turned on him. Tuvok! You're not serious! Who's side are you on, anyway? she asked, only half in jest.

Tuvok's brows rose as he regarded her with a look of infinite patience, as a teacher might regard a lagging student. In spite of his rather odd and, at times, bizarre behavior, Mr. Neelix has successfully integrated himself into the less formal society of this crew. He has gained the respect and liking of a good portion of those on board, and has in turn managed to cultivate a number of relationships under less than optimal circumstances. He relates well with people from many different backgrounds, which is also what makes him such a skillful ambassador, and he is not Starfleet, so this project cannot be perceived as a mere ploy to get the captain accepted on more personal levels with the crew simply for form's sake. Tuvok glanced approvingly at Chakotay. Neelix is an excellent choice, Commander. If he is willing, I see no reason why the captain should not begin studying with him at the earliest opportunity.

A second groan escaped Janeway's lips. This is going to be awful, she predicted.

I could give you to Seven of Nine... Chakotay started to say.

No, Neelix is fine. I'll do it.

Good.

But I'm not dressing like him, she said emphatically.

Good! Chakotay declared just as fervently. One look at Kathryn and he knew she was teasing him again. It was a relief. She could just as easily have been ready to shoot him for suggesting she work with Neelix to improve something as nebulous as her people skills. He was thankful she had a sense of humor, at least. On the other hand, he didn't plan to push the limit of her humor. Now that the matter of the captain's adviser was settled, he quickly went on, Harry might have the solution to the rest of our crew concerns.

There's more? Tuvok and Janeway glanced at each other, both obviously wishing this were over, and both obviously determined to stay until the end.

Chakotay assured, This is the last issue on my agenda. Ensign Kim and Ensign Kaplan have been exchanging Bridge duty since this situation began, and they've both had a lot of time to think about possible ways to keep this from happening again. They suggest that since some members of the crew feel that the command team is... He checked his computer for accuracy. ...out of reach, he said, it may help to have two captains instead of one; one captain to command the ship, the other to command the crew. Chakotay watched silently as Tuvok and Captain Janeway assessed this idea. When neither of them said anything, he prompted, Any thoughts?

The look in Janeway's eyes indicated that she had just been asked to process one idea too many, but she persistently replied in a tired, resigned voice, Did they suggest anybody for the crew captain?

No.

Tuvok stated, You would be the logical choice, Commander.

Chakotay admitted to himself that he had thought the same, but refused to let them know it. Saying that he was perfect for the job sounded more arrogant than he wanted to appear. Just because I'm the logical choice doesn't mean I'm the right choice. One of the junior officers might be an equally good option. Sam Wildman for example.

A sigh of exhausted frustration escaped the captain's tight lips. She rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to invigorate herself. Her voice still sounded strained when she said, It's an intriguing idea, but it will take more thought than I care to give right now. I think we've done all we can today.

Agreed. Chakotay rose, and the meeting adjourned. Tuvok rose, as did the captain. But rather than turn to leave, she sighed and stared sightlessly into her empty coffee mug. She didn't notice that the lieutenant commander had proceeded to the door until he turned back to address her.

Captain?

Janeway glanced up, giving him a wan smile. You go ahead, Tuvok. I need to talk to Chakotay.

The Vulcan nodded, looked once at Chakotay as if he wanted to say something but knew it wasn't necessary, shot him a look of support instead, then departed from the commander's office without another word.

Wondering what Tuvok's expression was meant to convey, and his brow furrowed in puzzlement, Chakotay quietly commented, Sometimes I don't understand that man.

Her wan smile became warm and sympathetic. He really doesn't disapprove, you know.

He didn't bother to pretend that he didn't know what she was referring to. Chakotay smiled back at her, softening his words, He has a funny way of showing it.

Janeway lifted one shoulder in an elegant shrug. It's just that for all his travels and accumulated wisdom, Tuvok doesn't always like change.

Chakotay shrugged back. I suppose he's like the rest of us; pretty content with the status quo.

Guess we better get used to change, she suggested lightly.

Her first officer was probably the only person on the ship who would refuse to dodge the issue hidden by her easy tone. We've certainly had a lot of change to deal with lately. Just as he hadn't before, she didn't pretend not to understand what he was talking about now. Kathryn's gaze remained steadily fixed on his face, daring him, encouraging him, wanting him to start the discussion that she couldn't; a conversation about New Earth, about what-happens-next, about him and her and them. It was clear that, even if she didn't plan to start the conversation, at least she wasn't going to hide from the issues any longer. Chakotay let out a soft sigh of relief and quietly asked, How are you?

There was more affection and love in those three simple words than she'd heard directed towards her in years. Kathryn quickly turned aside to halt the welling of emotion that suddenly clogged her throat and threatened to spill out in an uncontrolled fashion sure to embarrass both of them. She replaced the coffee mug on his desk and took a turn around his small office, her hands propped on her hips, forcing a calm she almost couldn't maintain. A long, reedy sigh issued through the hushed room. I haven't felt this tired since the months right after we left the array, she admitted, and when he opened his mouth to speak, she held up a hand, a look of mild, aggravated amusement on her face again. Yes, I've slept, but probably only as much as you have. How's your wrist?

It kept me up, he told her, moving around his desk as he spoke, wanting to be free of the constraints that piece of furniture represented. My knee kept me awake too. But mostly, I couldn't shut off my brain. I kept thinking about you.

The comment caught her so off guard that she broke into a small smile, involuntarily pleased. Then to his delight, she blushed. I know what you mean. Kathryn had to turn away once more, ostensibly to clear her throat, but he could see her fighting to control her features. She faced the windows, her arms folded protectively around her as she started to speak. I stayed up most of the night, listening to Mira's Theme over and over again.... And I thought about what they had said at the meeting.... About Starfleet, and Voyager, and about the last years, and... about you. I cried, she confessed softly. I wanted to talk to you all night, but it was late... you needed to sleep... I needed sleep.... She stopped, letting her voice trail away, as limp as her excuses.

Chakotay sent her a small smile, a look of empathy to tell her it was all right to have excuses.

His understanding gave her the boost of courage that she needed. Determinedly she lifted her eyes to look at him, and her face registered an odd blend of battle-weary peacefulness. The waning hours of the morning had obviously been a lonely struggle for her. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to talk to you, and that you wouldn't want to talk to me. And I was so tired.... I hadn't cried in such a long time....

He regarded her solemnly. It had been a long time since he had cried too. Did you feel better... after you had cried?

The small, shy smile began creeping at the corners of her mouth again. The expression softened her pale face. I did feel better. And, afterwards, I wanted so much to ask you about - She stopped, gave a sigh of resignation. But then it was morning, and Tuvok was there and everything else happened, and ever since, I've been afraid we would never have time to talk, and if we did, we still might not be able to break out of our old patterns again. The flood of words stopped. Kathryn took a deep breath. She looked at him as if she'd never seen him before, as if she'd suddenly found something she had spent a long time looking for, something she needed badly. We came so close to losing everything last night, Chakotay. If I lost you... Her eyebrow quirked, pain clear in the tight line of her mouth and the muscles clenched along her brow. Kathryn shook her head to push those thoughts back. I don't know what I would do. At the last, she looked away again to contemplate the streaks of starlight warping past the observation windows. She didn't look sad or upset or frustrated at being admittedly tied to him by her emotions. She only seemed pensive and perhaps even... content.

One is fulfilling, he mused softly to himself. But being two is more. Thoughts about what she'd said whirled through his mind. Chakotay pushed her empty mug aside to make enough room for him to perch on the edge of his desk, suddenly overwhelmed and glad to sit down. He leaned forward, gripping the desk with his hands to brace himself, and allowed himself the simple joy of watching her. He was thrilled to discover that she was also enjoying watching him. When she looked like that, he wanted to throw his arms around her and hold her tight and laugh, but he was shy still, and unsure. Instead he cocked his head to the side with a quiet sigh. What did you want to ask me, Kathryn?

Equally as shy, she ducked her head, smiling fully now. I love the way you say my name, she said unexpectedly, a hint of flirtatiousness creeping through her voice. I haven't been called Kathryn for a long time either.

His smile grew. It's a wonderful name, he said sincerely.

It's more wonderful when you say it, she replied honestly.

Then I'll be sure to say it often, he laughed comfortably, and the shyness began to dissipate. Go ahead, he invited.

Kathryn moved closer to lean beside him against the desk. She crossed her arms, the sensation of protecting herself still necessary, though her expression was open and hopeful. I wanted to ask you about New Earth. If... if you loved me before then.

Chakotay was impressed by her bravery. He was so impressed that he choked in surprise. Uh.... She grinned at his reaction, suffered a hint of embarrassment, but remained utterly unsympathetic. He issued a slight grunt and a sigh. When you decide something, you don't hold anything back, do you?

She cheerfully shook her head. Of course not. Is there any other way to live?

Seize the day, and all that, he intoned mockingly. I would never have guessed that about you, Captain.

Her teasing mood subsided enough for her to say, It was a hard lesson for me, but one thing I've learned in all this is that every moment is precious.

He smiled in complete agreement with her. It was too precious to spend it on shyness, that was for sure. Emboldened, Chakotay said, You're right. So, about New Earth.... He continued to grin, still slightly shy, yet somehow liberated by the discussion, and feeling a little silly that talking about this should be such a big deal. But on the whole, it felt good to feel foolish. I'm not entirely sure. You sort of quietly crept up on me, though it didn't take me by surprise. He looked off to the corner of the room near the door and the ceiling, contemplating, trying to remember. I don't remember any moments of startling revelation. One day I just knew, and suddenly life became bigger somehow, better. He glanced at her, willing her to understand. There was more to think of than just me, and I became more with the addition. Chakotay paused, perplexed. I'm talking in riddles... my parents would be proud.... Does any of this make sense?

I love your riddles, Chakotay. And your legends. And I would probably love your parents. Yes, this makes sense, she assured, and went on to bluntly admit, Because my fear was that I would somehow become less.

He teased, I have to say that never occurred to me.

She snorted. It never occurred to me that I might not be captain one day, either. Now that's a humbling experience! In retrospect, my earlier fears seem so... minor.

Maybe. Chakotay shrugged. Everybody deals with stress in different ways. My way is to fight it. Yours is to hide from it. Tuvok's is to claim it never existed in the first place! Kathryn laughed. Now I want to hear your story. Her laughter slowed, leaving a puzzled smile in its place. New Earth, he prompted, knowing her tendency to evade this issue. Were you in love with me then? Or did I imagine that?

Kathryn's smile softened and grew wistful. No, you didn't imagine it. Though I did my best to stop it! She sighed, still regretful. But I just couldn't help myself. You fit so well into that life. You were so happy there, and I was happy because you were happy. It was wonderful seeing you like that. Her smile came back, and she looked up at him. Even though I didn't want it, and I fought it, and I lied to myself about it, she nodded her head slowly, admitting the truth, I fell in love with you there. I could have been perfectly happy to stay on New Earth with you for the rest of my life. That scared the hell out of me. She shrugged apologetically. It wasn't what I was supposed to want from life. When Voyager miraculously appeared that day, I saw the opportunity to run, so I did.

You've been running for a long time, Chakotay solemnly observed.

Yes, she answered simply, and placed a warm, possessive hand on his arm. I'm not running any more. And I think... Her smile was thoughtful and tender. I think it's good to be home.

Her words and gesture opened up the universe for him. He felt the pressure of her hand on his arm through the heavy material of his uniform. It amazed him that such a guileless gesture had so much power. Chakotay took her hand from where she'd laid it against his arm and almost reverently examined her slender fingers and rounded nails. He turned her hand so he could see the palm, pale and creased with lines that mythically defined her life and personality. When he pressed her palm to his, it was as if he united his life to hers in the simple touching of two unique personal definitions. He valued such a treasure, and cradled her palm in both hands as he slowly slid off the desk. In an unhurried, deliberate motion, he pulled her close until he was able to wrap his arms around her, cradling and treasuring her whole being. Kathryn gently rested her head against his shoulder. She gradually leaned into him so that eventually they molded together, each touching the other in a perfect fit. He smoothed her hair back from her face, tucking the front strands behind her ear, the way she liked to wear it. After planting a quiet kiss near her left temple, he smiled into her smooth hair. He whispered, Welcome home, Kathryn.

He felt her smile against his chest, and he wasn't at all surprised when she lifted her head. With a soft, inviting expression on her face, her gaze full of serious intent, she stood on tiptoe, reached up, and kissed him.

The kiss, a tentative exploration at first, quickly deepened. Long stifled emotions flared instantly. Longing, denied passion, the side effects of years worth of sexual repression threatened to overwhelm them both in the first forty seconds of their relationship. Kathryn pushed herself into him and pulled him as close to her as she could, grasping tightly with a grip like iron, and Chakotay's fingers twined themselves into her hair, a steady pressure against the back of her head, communicating the desire, the demanding need, for more. Their emotions, so long ignored, exacted startling vengeance on them both, bursting instantaneously into uncontrollable fury. They finally parted for only one reason: they had to breath.

Air acted like an anti-stimulant. It shocked them into stillness. They stood unmoving, breathing hard, only inches separating them, their hearts pounding in tandem. Both remained completely aware of the other, of each place their bodies touched, of the heat they generated, of the cold they felt where a part of their body didn't touch the other's. But the urgency experienced a moment before diminished, a fire quickly expended and left quietly smoldering for all its initial explosive intensity. The wave of passion had spent itself in one amazing kiss neither was likely to forget.

Kathryn bit her bottom lip, sensing the bruise that he must also becoming aware of. She swallowed, took deep breaths, and blinked as if she had suddenly woken from a dream and didn't know how she had gotten into such a position. Well, she said in a voice that cracked with leftover emotions. That was unexpected.

An appreciative cough at such a gross understatement burst from him, followed by a chuckle that started deep in Chakotay's chest, rumbling steadily until it reached his throat and he couldn't help but laugh, his shoulders heaving as he tried to contain his instinctive reaction. But containment was a losing battle. He leaned his forehead against hers, letting her support him as he gave in to the absurdity of the situation. Finally, after one more laugh, he calmed himself so that he could speak. I'm too old for this; I think I need to sit down, he stated weakly.

I think I might be sick, she announced, just as weak.

He chuckled again, and she found his merriment as irresistible as she'd found the rest of him. Laughing feebly, she turned and pulled on his hand so that he would follow her, stumbling, to his couch under the observation windows. Sit, she said, then gratefully sank with him down onto the soft cushions. Their legs touched, both unwilling to completely break that physical contact. Kathryn slouched down so that she could roll her head on the sofa's back, letting the muscles in her neck relax, the rest of the tension leaking away. Chakotay sighed and leaned back into the corner, too tired and astonished and dazzled to say anything yet. When he regained enough control, he propped his feet up on the small table fronting the couch, stretching comfortably. Still, the contact between them was too important to relinquish it so soon. He made enough room for Kathryn to curl under his arm and lay her head in the crook of his shoulder near his chest.

I feel better now, he reported a moment later, causing another splutter of undignified laughter, until that too slowly died away to silence.

A moment passed and Kathryn spoke. Chakotay, what did you mean when you said that one is fulfilling, but two is more?

He smiled out into the quiet of the room. My father.

What about him?

He used to say that. It's some kind of saying or proverb or parable -

Or legend, she gently teased.

He laughed softly. Or legend from the ancestors. He was always spouting off those ancient bits of wisdom and pat little phrases to me when I was young. I was supposed to unravel their deep, dark mysteries so I could comprehend the wonders of the universe, you see. But none of them made any sense. He paused, contemplating those times in his past. I always thought it disappointed him when I didn't understand, and I resented him for that. It never occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to understand.

This surprised her. What? she asked sleepily, her voice muffled in his uniform.

I didn't have the tools to understand them when I was young. I hadn't had the right experiences. Until now. Until I met you.

Two is more, she murmured again, her voice full of quiet comprehension. She reached out and took his hand, weaving her fingers with his. Your father was a very wise man.

Yes, he was, Chakotay said with a thoughtful smile.

A silent moment passed as they both remained lost in thought, broken finally by a yawn. Her eyes drooping so that she could barely keep them open, she asked, Chakotay, have you ever slept on this couch?

He grunted. Yes, unfortunately, when I was too much under the influence of Captain Janeway and felt I couldn't take the five minutes to walk to my quarters for a proper night's sleep.

I'm glad that I have some influence on you, she managed to find the energy to tease. She sighed, a deep exhalation generated from her toes.

He closed his eyes, but smiled at her. One kiss and we're both worn out. This doesn't say much for the commanding officers, does it?

She laughed faintly. Oh, Chakotay, there's so much yet to do, so much we haven't even discussed yet, and all I want to do is sleep!

He nodded his head against the soft cushions. Training crewmembers for future positions, choosing which person for which position to begin with, deciding what to do with the New Home members in the long run, posting the ideas for any alternative forms of command and government so that everybody can decide for themselves, controlling the upcoming fights that are sure to break out after last night's brawl, debating the merit of a two-captain system -

Thank you, Chakotay, I feel more relaxed already, she complained.

You know you can always count on me, Captain, he said, and kissed the top of her head.

However, she sighed unhappily. I can't change overnight, she warned sadly.

I don't want you to change. I like you just the way you are. It's the system we need to change. We've outgrown the one we've got.

Perhaps. She sounded reluctant, wanting to hold onto that familiar, secure world for as long as she could. Suddenly she hugged him tighter. I hope... I know it will work out fine.

Now he was hesitant and realistic. But we have to remember that we can't expect everybody to accept changes too quickly either. There are many who think a lot like you. It will take time -

It may take time, she interrupted agreeably enough, a yawn punctuating her words, but I wasn't talking about the ship. She kissed his chest through his heavy uniform.

Chakotay lifted his head to look at her, a smile spread across his face to crinkle the lines beside his eyes and across his tattoo. Then he settled his head on the arm of the couch as comfortably as he could. He found he didn't even care if he had a crick in his neck for days to come, just as long as he could spend this moment holding Kathryn close. Computer, he commanded in a subdued voice, seal the door, engage privacy lock, and disengage comm. badges for Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, authorization Chakotay one go away. The computer acknowledged his request. He yawned. Computer, he gave one last command, replay musical selection Mira's Theme, one quarter volume.

Music filled the tiny room, a background of orchestral variations fronted by a simple, soaring flute solo. Janeway smiled and mumbled into his chest, This song always makes me think of dancing.

Chakotay hugged her and closed his eyes. Me too.

Curled together on a couch far too small for them, the fingers of her right hand linked loosely with those of his left, and in spite of the upheaval sure to continue, their own contentment in each other remained, and they slept.

Chapter 9 || Contents