Disclaimer: Own nothing... Made no money... I need a lawyer... Or a job... Probably in that order, too.
A/N Takes place in 10th season.
The thirtieth birthday part for Captain Jason Sallinger was in full swing. It was being held in the Commissary of a base that was dry enough to get someone court-martialed for even thinking about having alcohol on the grounds (though that had never stopped either Colonel O'Neill or General Hammond from bringing alcohol onto base, but who wanted to argue the matter now?). Still, someone had clearly spiked the punch according to the red haze that was already falling over Daniel Jackson's features. He stood with Colonel Samantha Carter on the fringes of the party to better observe his coworkers, though the one who had his attention the most was standing right beside him at the moment.
It only took a few more sips of the spiked punch before
Daniel had screwed together enough of his courage to blurt,
don't know who you think you're fooling anymore with this silly
Excuse me? Sam had turned to face him, and her
surprised expression widened her eyes until they looked as big as
saucers on her face.
Daniel sighed, appearing aggrieved.
I know all about
it, and so does everybody else, so stop trying to cover up all
This surprised Sam so much that her expression traveled from
her eyes to the rest of her features.
What? she asked.
What are you talking about? Then, she peered more closely
at his face.
Daniel, are you drunk already? Isn't that only
your second cup of punch? If he was drunk already, it would
certainly explain his last unnerving statement!
But... Irritated, Daniel glared at her.
This is my
third cup, I'll have you know, and no, I'm not drunk. Yet.
He turned away from her, then turned back almost immediately to
regard her in their corner of the room.
But this... this...
whatever's in this punch... It's given me the courage to finally
say something that should have been said a long time ago.
Sam tried hard not to look annoyed at her friend. He was,
after all, a little tipsy, she firmly believed, no matter what he
claimed. This information bolstering her sense of patience, she
sighed, and asked in a long-suffering tone of voice,
you've got me... What should I have heard a long time
Then Daniel blurted,
You and Jack are married, aren't
That question caught Sam's attention, all right. Her eyes
grew wide again for just a second before she was able to
strangle her natural reaction of horrified surprise, and quickly
cover her response.
I don't know what gives you that
idea, she cooly said to him, and took another drink of her
own punch. She had the feeling that she was going to need its
particular kind of kick very soon.
'Soon' came sooner than she thought. Daniel gave her a
rather sickening smile, part smug, part humor, one that looked a
whole lot better coming from a certain General that they all
knew, and very casually, he leaned against the wall behind him,
Have I ever told you that Siler happens to
know a lot of people around the country?
What did Siler have to do with her supposedly being married
to Jack O'Neill? But deciding to play along with who she
considered to be a seriously inebriated friend of hers, Sam shook
her head, saying,
No, Siler's never mentioned it, to
Daniel, all the while glancing over the heads of the gathered
personnel, looking for Teal'c to help lead their drunk friend
back to his quarters in order to sleep it off. But Daniel
stopped her when he went on.
Yep, Daniel said, still casual.
He knows the guys
in the Security Department.
Is that so? Sam asked, only half her attention on
what he was saying. Just where had Teal'c gone now?
Daniel was continuing again, though.
He knows the guys
here, he said,
and he also knows a guy who works across
That's the way it is in the military.
When I came to the SGC, I knew many people at many bases. It's a
bit different now that I've been in one place for so long; I
kind of lost touch with a lot of them.
Yeah, having friends all over the place is what Siler
claimed to have, too, Daniel told her.
So I asked who was
the person farthest from here that he knew, you know, kind of
like a contest to see who he knew, from where. That was when he
mentioned that he knows some lieutenant in Security at the
For another second, Sam's eyes widened again, but she hid
this reaction, too, and was able to calmly ask,
Isn't that a
coincidence? But her heart was pounding painfully against
her ribs, and she couldn't quite manage to order it under her
rigid control again.
Daniel studied his raised punch cup as if it were a precious
artifact in his lab.
I said it was a coincidence, too, he
And that's when he said that he had a very
interesting security tape to show me, if I wanted to take a look
at it sometime... I figured that it would be some embarrassing
bit about some obscure person I couldn't care less about, but it
got me out of my lab, and Doctor Lam from the Infirmary was on my
back to get out more at the time... So I told Siler that sure, I
would give it a glance... He stared slyly at Sam then, and
she realized that he wasn't drunk at all.
Imagine my surprise
when I saw you, a team member whom I'm very familiar with,
approach an office, where I watched another person whom I'm very
familiar with, hug said previous team member, then lay a lip lock
on her that made even me blush to the roots of my hair. And I've
even been married! Daniel retorted.
That was when my
original team leader, one Jack O'Neill, settled a wedding ring on
the third finger of my other team mate, one Samantha Carter, and
it was all caught on the video tape that's currently resting in
Siler's locker. Daniel faced Sam while she tried to absorb
his bland commentary through the haze of shock numbing her mind.
You owe him big time, ya know.., Daniel conversationally
It's because of the fact that he's refused to share
that tape with very many people in the SGC that has kept you from
having the reputation of a porn star, according to the kiss Jack
Well, this was something of a surprise to hear. Feeling
slightly sick to her stomach, the birthday cake she had eaten not
an hour before curdling into a blob of sugar in her intestines,
Sam tried to force her features to conform to the mask she
typically wore, but those features were strangely frozen by her
state of shock at what Daniel had said to her. All she could
manage to mutter was a stuttered,
Speechless? Daniel asked, suddenly smiling
brilliantly at her.
That's how Vala said that you would
Sam choked on her punch.
Vala knows, too? Now, she
didn't even pretend not to be hiding something.
Daniel smirked, an unusual reaction for the peaceful
Vala knows, he confirmed for her.
woman can smell sex a mile away.
This statement stunned Sam even further, until she
She can smell it?
Daniel continued his smirking.
Yep, she smells all sorts
of odd things... Says it's one of the easier odors if you know
what to look for... Kind of like a really strong flower... Or a
Sam turned abruptly to face forward, away from Daniel. That
piece of cake she had eaten was really curdling now.
Who else knows? she gasped.
Oh... Let's see.., he drawled.
Then, in a firm tone of voice, he informed,
Cam? Sam squeaked. Oh, this was bad!
Teal'c, Daniel said, going on as if she hadn't
But you must have already figured that one out...
He looked up at the ceiling, appearing to be thinking harder than
he really was.
General Hammond, he said, still in the
same sly tone.
Major Davis, General Landry...
That shocked Sam enough for her to gulp,
General knows? 'Worse' was an understatement.
Again Daniel ignored her.
That information utterly horrified Sam.
The Joint Chiefs...
Oh, God, Sam intoned, leaning back against the wall
behind her in total agony.
There goes my career. Jack's
career... And things were going so well, too...
That was when Daniel took Sam's hand in his own.
on, I have something to show you.., he said, appearing to
change the subject.
Sam was too shocked at his news to resist him.
more? she asked on a grunt. How could there possibly be
anything else for him to show her? She numbly followed him down
the empty SGC corridor to his lab.
Daniel let go of her hand and crossed to his desk. There,
after taking out some keys and unlocking the top drawer, he
pulled out a folded piece of paper.
You never know about
thieves around here, he told her.
It's better to keep the
drawer locked, and be safe rather than sorry, he recited,
quoting something that Colonel O'Neill had drummed into their
heads at every opportunity he'd had over their previous years
together. Now, though, Daniel handed the paper over to Sam for
Sam took it from him, still numb, still feeling
shell-shocked, and stunned. Slowly, she unfolded it, and tried
to focus her eyes enough on the typed words to read. Her eyes
scanned the words ever faster, then slower, as she forced herself
to read through it all a second time. Then she peered at Daniel,
even more surprised.
How..? How did you get this? she
asked on a rush of air.
Daniel smirked again, an expression that was becoming
alarmingly familiar to see on his face.
Sam, he said.
Christmas? In May? she asked.
A little early, he said then.
Or it's a little late. Or, it's Happy Birthday, or Happy New
Year, or... Quietly, his voice trailed away. Finally, he
Do us all a favor, Sam, and wear your wedding ring,
or buy a new one, he instructed her.
Wearing it will be a
really nice thing to do on this base of mostly male
Her mouth sliding open now in obvious shock, Sam stared at the Air Force decree in her hands. When she didn't react to his words, Daniel gave her a bit of a nudge. He reached into the pocket of her trousers, and pulled out her cell phone. He looked up Jack's current number in Washington D.C., hit the speed dial, and held the instrument to his ear.
Daniel only had to wait for two rings.
Sam? came a
familiar voice over the line. It sounded worried.
be an emergency for you to interrupt a meeting with... Are you
Jack, it's Daniel, Daniel told him.
I'll give the
phone to Sam now. I think she's able to talk, finally. Hold
on. He thrust the phone into Sam's waiting, numbed fingers.
Slowly, Sam raised the phone to her ear.
all she could say, a grunt from the back of her throat.
Sam? What is it? Daniel heard Jack say over the
phone in an unnaturally loud voice.
Uh.., Sam said again. Then she made a monumental
effort to pull herself together again.
Uh, Jack! she
announced brightly into the phone.
Her tone must have sent off instant warning bells in his
mind, for her cautiously inquired,
Um, Jack, Sam said again, still rapidly blinking
against her recent discovery.
How do you feel about wedding
Wedding rings? he repeated, sounding bewildered.
You know that we can't do anything about that.
Sam grimaced, and held the Presidential decree even tighter
in her hand.
Oh, yes, we can.
Jack was silent for a telling moment. At last, he inquired,
Does that comment mean what I think it means?
Sam nodded, then added,
Oh boy, Jack muttered in her ear, now in a voice that
was so low that Daniel had a hard time hearing him over the phone
practically glued to the side of Sam's head.
Daniel pulled the phone away from a surprised Sam.
to worry, Jack. Sam's holding a Presidential Exemption right
now, he told him.
Daniel? Jack grunted once in a tone of voice that was
so harsh that it was familiar, one that Daniel was very intimate
What's going on?
Don't worry, Jack. Sam's on her way to
Washington right now, and will be at the Air Force Base there on
the edge of the city... I can't quite remember the name of it at
I'll write it for you in some ancient language, Jack
Then you'll be sure to remember it...
Very funny, Jack, Daniel snorted into the phone in a
tone that indicated he was not amused.
She'll be there
around 10:00 our time, he said in an offhand way, then added,
We all had to pool our leave together in order to get her a
spot on the troop transport plane, ya know, so you can think of
this as a late team wedding present, or something. But be
prepared to go shopping tomorrow, he told him.
congratulations. He snapped the cell phone shut, then, and
steered Sam out the door, to the waiting elevator.
you better give him a kiss from us. He grinned.
like that one from before...
With that, Daniel pushed Sam into the elevator car, and then
sighed in satisfaction.
Now we can finally relax around
here, he said. Then he grinned again, and rubbed his hands
Project Twitter-pated was a definite success. Even
though Teal'c gave the name to the project as a whole, that was a
job well done, if I do say so myself, Dr. Jackson. And,
whistling a jaunty tune to himself, he strolled down the corridor
to rejoin the party that was still in full swing. He decided to
celebrate this new state of affairs with another glass of punch.
He figured he'd earned it.
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