Janet's Advice

by Linda Bindner

Janet..! What are you doing at my house? Has something happened at the SGC? Is everything alright?

Uh... Sam, no, that's not it at all... Uh... Everything's fine. It's not anything to do with the SGC. Well... it does have something to do with it, but nothing's wrong... Oh, hell, can I just come in?

Oh, sorry, please come on in, make yourself comfortable. Do you want anything? Water, beer, soda..?

You know, you drink way too much beer, Sam.

Colonel's influence, probably.

Well... Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about, but not yet.

The Colonel's tendency to drink beer?

Very funny... No! Uh, yes! The Colonel, I mean. I need to talk to you about the Colonel.

Why do I not like the sound of that?

It's nothing to be worried about... How do you stay so thin, anyway, if you drink so much beer?

Huh! I keep expecting it to some day come back and bite me in the butt when I least expect it to. But... What's going on? Is something wrong?

Please, Sam... Nothing's wrong. I assume he's at his home, spending SG-1's downtime by relaxing...

Then you either don't know the Colonel very well, or you are a mighty big wisher.

Maybe it's a bit of both?

Well, can I get anything for you before you stop being all mysterious on me and tell me what's going on?

Water's fine. Thanks, Sam.

Water. No beer. What am I going to do with you?

Not come to my funeral due to death by alcohol consumption.

Very funny.

I'm serious, Sam. You and the Colonel drink much more than is good for you.

Oh, Janet, you're no fun. If it was up to you, we wouldn't ever drink anything.

I can't help it if I'm always your doctor.

We can only hope that's all you'll be. Now, let me get that water for you...

Thanks, my throat is so dry..! I see you aren't drinking the customary beer?

You sound so serious that I want to keep my wits about me during this conversation... Something tells me that I'll need them.

Maybe you're right... This could very well be a doozy of a conversation...

Okay, out with it, Janet. What's going on?


That sigh doesn't seem good.

Okay, I'll just say it... Sam, I know I'm being really blunt here... and I say this not as an Air Force Officer, but as a friend, meaning that I'll deny any official culpability, but...

As if I would ever say that you had anything to do with anything.

I haven't said anything, yet.

No, but if I know you, you will.

Oh, that's very funny!

Just tell me!

All right, I will... Don't get all menacing... Alright, alright! Honey, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Huh? That's what you came all the way over here to say to me?"

Okay, I'll explain... sorry... I don't mean to be so judgmental... Okay... Sam, I haven't slept very well for two weeks...

Oh, God, is something wrong?

Oh! No! It's just that I haven't been able to turn off my mind...

You never do.

Funny, again. Neither do you, I might add.

True. But you didn't come all the way over here to insult me... Did you?

No. I wanted to talk to you about Colonel O'Neill, and until I do, I doubt that I'll be getting much sleep, and unless you want to be treated in the future by a totally dazed doctor...


I promise that I won't say another word about this to anyone, not even to you, so you can feel that you're free to say whatever you want to say to me.

What is it?

Concern... Good, at least you're behaving rationally...

For God's sake, Janet, just tell me!

Okay! Look, Sam, it's no secret that you and the Colonel share... um... share more than team designations with each other.


Feelings, Sam, I'm talking about feelings. The kind you share with the Colonel. The kind that you and Jack have for each other.

But we've never...

Don't bother to protest and pretend, anymore, Sam... Unless something's changed in the past few years and I don't know about it...

Of course you would know, Janet... Don't I tell you everything?

Well, that's what I thought, but I don't want to assume, here...

Janet, why don't you tell me what you're thinking?

What I'm thinking... Okay, I'm thinking that I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in two weeks, I'm getting punchy, I should say something soon, before I do something stupid in front of General Hammond and lose my job, and if I don't say something, nothing will ever change...

I did ask for you to tell me, after all...

You're right, Sam, you did ask for this. I can say that I told you... what I told you... under duress...

This is one hell of a case of duress, then. But what's all this got to do with me and the Colonel?

I thought I'd already explained that...


No? I'll remedy that...

I would appreciate it.

Hmph! I bet you would!


Okay, okay... Sam, I need to know how far this has gone, or I'm never gonna get any sleep... Are you in love with the Colonel?

Am I what?

In love! With the Colonel! Honestly, Sam, it's not that hard of a question to answer...

That's what you think. It goes against Air Force Regulations to have feelings for a Superior Officer, Janet, and you know that.

I do know that, but it doesn't answer my question. Come on, Sam, there's no one to overhear us, there's no security cameras here... Are you?

I caaaaannnn't...


God, yes! I've admitted it... are you happy now?

That was easy. I expected it to take a lot more persuasion, I admit.

Will you shut up! God, do you know what you're gonna do to me? I could lose the best damn job I'll ever hope to get..!

Sam, the point here is not to fix it so that you'll lose your job... I just wanted to know...

Now you do. You can leave if you want to.

I don't want to... I'm not done yet.

What more can you possibly have to say that will..?

Sam, here's my point: okay. So you have feelings for the Colonel...

Janet, I love the guy. It's just unfortunate that the guy in question here happens to be my Commanding Officer, the Air Force forbids fraternization within a direct chain of command, so he can never know about what I feel... End of story. Now, are you done making mush of my brain, or what?

Sam, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make mush of your brain...

Janet, do you have any idea how hard this is? Some days, it takes all of my energy just to walk past him in the corridor without touching him in some way...

That's my point, I guess. I see what kind of pain you're going through... Don't worry! I only see because I saw that Zatarc testing thing and know what's going on... But I have to wonder if it's worth it.

What do you mean, 'if it's worth it?'

Look, we're both Air Force officers, and we both swore by the same rules...

Janet, I can't give up fighting the Goa'uld just to satisfy some strange sense of lust I'm having, in case that's what you're suggesting I do.

Is that all it is? Some sense of lust?

Well, no, of course it isn't, but that's still not...

Sam, I'm not advocating anything, here, but I feel I'm not being a very good friend if I don't say something... You know about Rick, don't you?

You're ex-husband? Well, sure I do, but what does he have to do with..?

I was never so glad to get a divorce from him, right?

Right. He didn't even know what branch of the military you were in.

Right. My point is, Jack O'Neill's not like that. He even knows what kind of jello you like to eat! I don't think that Rick even knew if I ate at all or not, let alone what I like to eat.

So he knows I like blue jello... What's you're point?

My point is... God, Sam, I had a lot less than you already do, and I've been married! Do you think this kind of... thing... that you feel for Colonel O'Neill comes along all the time?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that maybe it's time for you to re-evaluate your career choices... Or that he should...

You can't be trying to convince me to resign!

No, that not what I'm doing... Oh, hell, I don't know what I'm doing... Except making it so I can sleep tonight...

Janet, there's no way around the Regulations. I've thought about it, and they're written in such a way that...

Screw the Regs for a minute!

I can't do that!

I know about the Regulations! And are you sure that you're not just using them as an excuse?

Janet, I can't believe you asked me that question.

Sam, I adore you, you're my best friend, you're incredibly smart... But maybe you're being a little dense with this one problem...

I'm not being dense, Janet. Maybe it's you who doesn't realize that a person can't just rewrite Regulations because he or she wants to...

Then rewrite the situation. That's all I'm suggesting, here...

You mean resign, retire, ask for reassignment, whatever.

Okay, since you put it so bluntly...

I could never do that to Daniel and Teal'c, never ask the Colonel to...

I already spoke to Daniel and Teal'c, and they both have other options if something were to happen to SG-1...

You spoke to Daniel and Teal'c about this..?

Sam, how long do you think you can play with fate and win? How long will it be before one or more of you bites the big one and dies? You can't go on fighting the System Lords forever and expect to keep winning.

I can't believe you're saying this...

Sam... You've been incredibly lucky this entire time... you're entire team has... Now, you love the Colonel... He loves you... I can tell...

Tell how?

It's not what he does, but rather, what he doesn't do that...

He doesn't do anything.

That's the point.

That he does... nothing?

Sam... the guy knows what kind of jello you like. There aren't many guys who would be like that.

Meaning... what?

Meaning... This guy loves the fact that you like... Well, I can't describe it, but I can be aware of it... If there was a man out there who wanted me as much as Jack O'Neill apparently wants you... and I mean 'wants' in a way that has nothing to do with sex for the sake of sex... Well, I wouldn't be wasting my life on a bunch of dumb Regs, that's for sure. I'd grab this opportunity with both hands and run and enjoy myself, that's what... I just want you to be happy.

I am happy.

I know... But, you could be happier with him. Think about it?


Just... Think about it? That's all I'm asking you to do. Not resign, or retire, or ask for reassignment... Think about it. Then, be honest with him, for once in your life...

I'm always honest with him.

No, you're not, and don't lie to me. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't lie to me... I'm too tired to be lied to.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be...

Sam, promise me..? You'll talk to him?

I'll think about it.

I can't ask for you to do any more than that.

I'll think... As long as you drink a beer...


On base. In front of the Security Cameras.

Sam! That could get me fired! Alcohol is totally off limits on base, and you know it!

Oh, and what you're suggesting won't get me fired?

Oh, you drive a hard bargain!

Should we shake on it?

You'll do it?

I don't go back on my word; I will if you will.

Done! But I think you're getting the better end of this deal.

I don't know. I never said the Security Camera had to be wired up to the Security Office, did I..?

Back to [Stargate SG-1 Stories]. Send comments to linda.bindner@gmail.com.

This page has been accessed 1775 times since 2005 Jul 30.